Lesson Number 1.
A keg is fucking heavy. Put it in the bin first and then put the bin on the counter so you don't have to lift that fucker so high. However, put the damn tap in while its still below waist level to minimize facial spray.
Lesson Number 2.
Give cash to one of your roommates and make him use his credit card to pay for the keg. Stupid bitches don't understand "I'm paying cash" and $121.42 is a lot of money to be held up in an authorization all weekend. And if the keg does fall through the bin and/or counter you don't have to pay for it.
Lesson Number 3.
Black light bulbs are fucking hot.
Lesson Number 4.
Always invite more girls than guys to a house party. No one likes a sausage festival.
Lesson Number 5.
"Pretty Much" is not a good answer to "will this eyeliner come off easy?"
Lesson Number 6.
Hooker red lipstick always ends up on your dip stick.
Lesson Number 7.
Keep the drunk bitch away from the music. She can't see in the dark and the buttons are too complicated for her.
Lesson Number 8.
Drunk girls grab cock. Just a warning.
Lesson Number 9.
Yes Virginia, it is possible to have hot sweaty sex 5 times in a 12 hour period.
Lesson Number 10.
Getting walked in on while you are having hot sweaty sex is kind of a turn on. Leave that door unlocked for the drunk bitch.
Lesson Number 11.
Big drama comes in small packages. Three 5 foot tall drunk drama queens can kick your ass.
Lesson Number 12.
Beer. Its a good thing.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
A Year Ago...A Year From Now
Thanks to my High School Senior English class I have spent considerable portions of my life journaling. Before the internet and this "blog" thing I would sit down with paper and pen ( a nice pen... fountain pens were my favorite ) and fill the pages with comedic anecdotes of the present and past. Occasionally I would make suggestions of what the future might hold as well. But not predictions.
I would cryptically mark these passages with the phrase "a year ago a year from now" so that decades later when I revisited the journal I would be able to connect the dots of my life.
It's amazing that by taking a step back and looking at your life from the big picture perspective you can hear the melody and harmony of the music you make. When you are in the day to day moments all you seem to notice is the deep thumping of the drums and bass.
Of course I had neither the time or inclination to journal or blog for most of my law school "career." Not like now.
What follows are point in time snapshots of where I was, what I was doing, and who I was doing it with, with my then guess of where I would be a year later.
October 2002
I was managing (read: playing) three hotels in Estes Park Colorado. I was married to Gloria. I believe I thought I would be doing the same thing with the same people a year later, but law school was beginning to haunt my dreams.
October 2003
I was working in a very small solo law practice helping to close down the Scottsdale practice in anticipation of the firm moving to Tucson. I filed for divorce from Gloria that month. I was living with Nikki and her daughter Hailee and my parents had come to visit from Mexico. I was then four months into 1L (the first year of law school) and drank way too much beer at the Grapevine (karaoke bar). I knew that a year later I would be sitting for the "baby bar" exam in California (First Year Law Student Exam).
October 2004
I spent nearly the entire month in Alaska with Maxine doing my baby bar "boot camp" study session - three weeks of 12 hours a day, 7 days a week intensive review of torts, contracts and criminal law. I did get to see some old friends and wives: Jerome came over for dinner. I had dinner at the Food Factory with Becki. I even ran into Dave Totten, C.J., and Becki's aunt and uncle at the SIlver Spur. As the end of the month approached I returned to Scottsdale and then off I went to L.A. to take (and pass) the baby bar. I had recently moved back in with Nikki after a few months of being seperated. I had no concept of the past or the future at that point in time. My world was the baby bar. I did harbor hope that a year later I would have passed the exam of course.
October 2005
I was working at Phillips & Asociates in the personal injury litigation department. Nikki and I had moved into my condo in Arrowhead and I was spending a lot of time doing military simulation combat games (live action - not board games or video games. Real GI Joe shit!). Of course law school was progressing. I had passed the baby bar a year prior. I wasn't thinking about the future because I was actually content in my then existence.
October 2006
Nikki and I were still in the condo but I was beginning to question the relationship. She wanted marriage and I wasn't sure she would survive the bar exam beginning to appear on the horizon. I had escaped from Phillips & Associates and was working again where I am now. I had been to every national large scale military simulation event since the prior year and had met Valkyire at one such event that month. We would later spend a week together and that week would serve as context for a lot of changes that I would make in my life in the following years. Suffice it to say I had serious doubts that Nikki and I would be together a year later, as did she.
October 2007
Nikki and I were married but the lack of trust between both of us had already began to cut away at the already faulty foundation. We had moved out of Maxine's condo and my nephew Gavin was living with us for a year. I was in my last year of law school and the bar exam was coming. Margaritaville Glendale had opened and I spent some time taste testing those frozen concoctions that help me hang on. I had re-joined the Civil Air Patrol and was working with cadets. I didn't think about the fact that a year later I would be waiting for results of the bar exam.
October 2008
I was going to say I never saw it coming. But in revisiting the past six years I have to say I am not surprised that Nikki and I are no longer together. I am preparing the divorce documents and will be filing next month. Its civil and we have both acknowledged our respective contributions to the demise. I live with 3 male roommates in Peoria - that I never saw coming. I met someone a little more than a month ago and we really fit together. There are now 30 days until I find out the results of the bar exam. We are having a keg of Rock Bottom's finest and 100 or so of our closest friends over this coming Saturday.
October 2009
A year from now....
I would suggest that Daun and I will be thinking about, maybe talking about, a beach and a sunset and drinks at Coasters. Its likely I will be sworn in as an attorney. Holy freaking shit!!!! Sorry, its still a little wow for me. I don't know for sure what the future holds but I do know that it just keeps getting better and better, even if sometimes, in the middle of the turmoil, it seems like nothing is going right.
A year ago I would have been shocked to see where I am now. But I don't want to be anywhere else.
I would cryptically mark these passages with the phrase "a year ago a year from now" so that decades later when I revisited the journal I would be able to connect the dots of my life.
It's amazing that by taking a step back and looking at your life from the big picture perspective you can hear the melody and harmony of the music you make. When you are in the day to day moments all you seem to notice is the deep thumping of the drums and bass.
Of course I had neither the time or inclination to journal or blog for most of my law school "career." Not like now.
What follows are point in time snapshots of where I was, what I was doing, and who I was doing it with, with my then guess of where I would be a year later.
October 2002
I was managing (read: playing) three hotels in Estes Park Colorado. I was married to Gloria. I believe I thought I would be doing the same thing with the same people a year later, but law school was beginning to haunt my dreams.
October 2003
I was working in a very small solo law practice helping to close down the Scottsdale practice in anticipation of the firm moving to Tucson. I filed for divorce from Gloria that month. I was living with Nikki and her daughter Hailee and my parents had come to visit from Mexico. I was then four months into 1L (the first year of law school) and drank way too much beer at the Grapevine (karaoke bar). I knew that a year later I would be sitting for the "baby bar" exam in California (First Year Law Student Exam).
October 2004
I spent nearly the entire month in Alaska with Maxine doing my baby bar "boot camp" study session - three weeks of 12 hours a day, 7 days a week intensive review of torts, contracts and criminal law. I did get to see some old friends and wives: Jerome came over for dinner. I had dinner at the Food Factory with Becki. I even ran into Dave Totten, C.J., and Becki's aunt and uncle at the SIlver Spur. As the end of the month approached I returned to Scottsdale and then off I went to L.A. to take (and pass) the baby bar. I had recently moved back in with Nikki after a few months of being seperated. I had no concept of the past or the future at that point in time. My world was the baby bar. I did harbor hope that a year later I would have passed the exam of course.
October 2005
I was working at Phillips & Asociates in the personal injury litigation department. Nikki and I had moved into my condo in Arrowhead and I was spending a lot of time doing military simulation combat games (live action - not board games or video games. Real GI Joe shit!). Of course law school was progressing. I had passed the baby bar a year prior. I wasn't thinking about the future because I was actually content in my then existence.
October 2006
Nikki and I were still in the condo but I was beginning to question the relationship. She wanted marriage and I wasn't sure she would survive the bar exam beginning to appear on the horizon. I had escaped from Phillips & Associates and was working again where I am now. I had been to every national large scale military simulation event since the prior year and had met Valkyire at one such event that month. We would later spend a week together and that week would serve as context for a lot of changes that I would make in my life in the following years. Suffice it to say I had serious doubts that Nikki and I would be together a year later, as did she.
October 2007
Nikki and I were married but the lack of trust between both of us had already began to cut away at the already faulty foundation. We had moved out of Maxine's condo and my nephew Gavin was living with us for a year. I was in my last year of law school and the bar exam was coming. Margaritaville Glendale had opened and I spent some time taste testing those frozen concoctions that help me hang on. I had re-joined the Civil Air Patrol and was working with cadets. I didn't think about the fact that a year later I would be waiting for results of the bar exam.
October 2008
I was going to say I never saw it coming. But in revisiting the past six years I have to say I am not surprised that Nikki and I are no longer together. I am preparing the divorce documents and will be filing next month. Its civil and we have both acknowledged our respective contributions to the demise. I live with 3 male roommates in Peoria - that I never saw coming. I met someone a little more than a month ago and we really fit together. There are now 30 days until I find out the results of the bar exam. We are having a keg of Rock Bottom's finest and 100 or so of our closest friends over this coming Saturday.
October 2009
A year from now....
I would suggest that Daun and I will be thinking about, maybe talking about, a beach and a sunset and drinks at Coasters. Its likely I will be sworn in as an attorney. Holy freaking shit!!!! Sorry, its still a little wow for me. I don't know for sure what the future holds but I do know that it just keeps getting better and better, even if sometimes, in the middle of the turmoil, it seems like nothing is going right.
A year ago I would have been shocked to see where I am now. But I don't want to be anywhere else.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Etiquette For Bar Exam Results
Most of you already know that Bar Exam Results are due out in 31 days from today (November 21, 2008 at 6:00 p.m.).
I am continuing to try to not think about that day, but I am beginning to have dreams about results and people are increasingly asking questions about how I did.
I thought rather than ignore the 800 pound gorilla in the room I would explain the etiquette, process, and subsequent consequences of my bar exam results - regardless of what they are.
First, and please take a moment to truly understand this statement, this is MY bar exam. No one else's. There are many like it, but this one is mine. I choose to share it with you, but there are terms and boundaries that must be observed.
The most difficult question is "What if you don't pass the bar exam?" I will answer that question first.
I work as a law clerk in a law firm and I have been here for several years now. I am not looking for any other work and my continued employment is not conditioned on me passing the bar exam or having a license to practice law. So my employment remains the same whether I pass or not. I love my firm and the freedom it gives me. I am not going anywhere.
Being unsuccessful on a bar exam does not mean the applicant is stupid, incapable or a failure. All it means is the applicant did not score enough points to pass - 1440 points for the California Bar Exam. The three distinct components are weighted differently and scaled by some abscure calculus that I can't understand.
So in the event that my points are not at least 1440, I will be provided with my answers and have the opportunity to review them and identify where I missed points. I can then begin the process of studying and preparing for the California Bar Exam given in late February of 2009.
I will still be the same me, working in the same firm, doing the same things - with the added bonus of a streamlined bar preparation program. (I still have all my lectures, outlines, practice exams, etc., from bar review).
I am not going to begin studying before bar results come out like some people do. I would have a full 12 weeks of preparation time after results day, which is more time than the BarBri course provides.
My life, my work, my friends and family, my path in life, my volunteer activities, and my goals all remain constant regardless of how many points I scored on the July 2008 California Bar Exam.
"How do you find out the results?"
According to the State Bar of California website [ www.calbar.org ] the results will be available to applicants who took the July 2008 bar exam on November 21, 2008, at 6:00 p.m. Empirically speaking however, the link won't be active until some time after 6:00 p.m. Sometimes several hours later. Also, letters will be mailed that day to applicants. The following Monday the pass list will be made availabe to the public.
I have two sets of identification numbers that I will enter online and find out if I appear on the pass list. More about this in a moment.
"You must be going crazy waiting to find out?"
You think? No fucking shit sherlock.
"How do you think you did?"
I don't think in those terms. As I have stated in my previous blogs about the bar exam, I went in that room and was not beaten by the exam. Not even the earthquake shook me up. But this question in particular makes me go fucking crazy.
OK, so here is the etiquette:
1. It is not appropriate to ask me how I did once results come out. I will make an announcement here on my myspace page and via a blog entry when I am ready to. I might not be ready to for a few days after I get results regardless of the result. Please respect my privacy and allow me to process this emotional time on my own terms. If you can't wait, remember you can access the pass list yourself on Monday, November 24.
2. Not passing the bar exam does not mean I am going to change. Sure, it will be an emotionally charged experience, but only because it means I have to take that damn exam again and I really prefer not to do that. I will not think of myself as a failure however, and neither should you.
3. Passing the bar does not mean I am going to change. My life will remain essientially just how it is, with the exception that I know I won't have to take that bar exam again and there is going to be one big ass fucking party.
Unlike my bar review period last summer, please keep in touch between now and R Day (Results Day). I appreciate all the support from everyone and even the smallest of comments has helped.
Regardless of the how things turn out on R Day, there is someone special who will be getting the first phone call, presuming she isn't there when I actually get the strength to click "Submit" on the State Bar website.
A little over a month ago I met Daun at a Combat Dining In out at Luke Air Force Base. We are both going through a divorce and things just clicked for us from the beginning. The universe has a way of timing things and although Daun and I have been in several "near misses" in the past few years when we were brought together it was apparent to both of us that there was a reason for it.
The stress and anxiety of R Day is greatly diminshed for me because I know she is there and the two possible outcomes of R Day are both enhanced by her presence in my life.
Now all I have to do is get to R Day......
I am continuing to try to not think about that day, but I am beginning to have dreams about results and people are increasingly asking questions about how I did.
I thought rather than ignore the 800 pound gorilla in the room I would explain the etiquette, process, and subsequent consequences of my bar exam results - regardless of what they are.
First, and please take a moment to truly understand this statement, this is MY bar exam. No one else's. There are many like it, but this one is mine. I choose to share it with you, but there are terms and boundaries that must be observed.
The most difficult question is "What if you don't pass the bar exam?" I will answer that question first.
I work as a law clerk in a law firm and I have been here for several years now. I am not looking for any other work and my continued employment is not conditioned on me passing the bar exam or having a license to practice law. So my employment remains the same whether I pass or not. I love my firm and the freedom it gives me. I am not going anywhere.
Being unsuccessful on a bar exam does not mean the applicant is stupid, incapable or a failure. All it means is the applicant did not score enough points to pass - 1440 points for the California Bar Exam. The three distinct components are weighted differently and scaled by some abscure calculus that I can't understand.
So in the event that my points are not at least 1440, I will be provided with my answers and have the opportunity to review them and identify where I missed points. I can then begin the process of studying and preparing for the California Bar Exam given in late February of 2009.
I will still be the same me, working in the same firm, doing the same things - with the added bonus of a streamlined bar preparation program. (I still have all my lectures, outlines, practice exams, etc., from bar review).
I am not going to begin studying before bar results come out like some people do. I would have a full 12 weeks of preparation time after results day, which is more time than the BarBri course provides.
My life, my work, my friends and family, my path in life, my volunteer activities, and my goals all remain constant regardless of how many points I scored on the July 2008 California Bar Exam.
"How do you find out the results?"
According to the State Bar of California website [ www.calbar.org ] the results will be available to applicants who took the July 2008 bar exam on November 21, 2008, at 6:00 p.m. Empirically speaking however, the link won't be active until some time after 6:00 p.m. Sometimes several hours later. Also, letters will be mailed that day to applicants. The following Monday the pass list will be made availabe to the public.
I have two sets of identification numbers that I will enter online and find out if I appear on the pass list. More about this in a moment.
"You must be going crazy waiting to find out?"
You think? No fucking shit sherlock.
"How do you think you did?"
I don't think in those terms. As I have stated in my previous blogs about the bar exam, I went in that room and was not beaten by the exam. Not even the earthquake shook me up. But this question in particular makes me go fucking crazy.
OK, so here is the etiquette:
1. It is not appropriate to ask me how I did once results come out. I will make an announcement here on my myspace page and via a blog entry when I am ready to. I might not be ready to for a few days after I get results regardless of the result. Please respect my privacy and allow me to process this emotional time on my own terms. If you can't wait, remember you can access the pass list yourself on Monday, November 24.
2. Not passing the bar exam does not mean I am going to change. Sure, it will be an emotionally charged experience, but only because it means I have to take that damn exam again and I really prefer not to do that. I will not think of myself as a failure however, and neither should you.
3. Passing the bar does not mean I am going to change. My life will remain essientially just how it is, with the exception that I know I won't have to take that bar exam again and there is going to be one big ass fucking party.
Unlike my bar review period last summer, please keep in touch between now and R Day (Results Day). I appreciate all the support from everyone and even the smallest of comments has helped.
Regardless of the how things turn out on R Day, there is someone special who will be getting the first phone call, presuming she isn't there when I actually get the strength to click "Submit" on the State Bar website.
A little over a month ago I met Daun at a Combat Dining In out at Luke Air Force Base. We are both going through a divorce and things just clicked for us from the beginning. The universe has a way of timing things and although Daun and I have been in several "near misses" in the past few years when we were brought together it was apparent to both of us that there was a reason for it.
The stress and anxiety of R Day is greatly diminshed for me because I know she is there and the two possible outcomes of R Day are both enhanced by her presence in my life.
Now all I have to do is get to R Day......
Monday, October 6, 2008
How to Eat an Elephant - Part 4: Check Please!
And now the final chapter in my discussion about Bar Exam 2008.
Sometime back I promised to point out the positive things about bar review. Looking back at my blogs its easy to think it was all bad, but there were several people that stepped forward and, without any obligation to do so, gave of themselves to help me keep it together and make it through.
I want to say thank you.
My Aunt Maxine has always driven me - sometimes to the point of anger and resentment. She always saw my potential and never accepted my half-assed performace as good enough. When nearly everyone else said I should aim lower so I am not so disappointed when I miss, Maxine always insisted I aim as high as my imagination would allow me to. When everyone else wrote me off, she stayed supportive and never let me quit.
Without Maxine I would never have even started law school. I left a comfortable existence to begin this journey: playng hotel and running a very successful business was satisfying and I had more than enough. I closed those doors and moved to Arizona and tried to not look back.
Maxine provided the financial assistance I needed to transition from Hotel Manager/Business Owner to broke but eager law student. Without her I would not be where I am today. She has given so much of herself to so many people that the only way I can show my gratitude is to pay it forward.
It is her generosity that has forged my belief in giving back to the community I live in. My practice will always have room for another pro bono case and I never tire of reaching out to someone who is reaching back. Thank you Maxine.
My son's mom, Erin, doesn't have many reasons to be supportive of me. In fact, she has plenty of reasons to not be so supportive. Several times during bar review Erin somehow sensed my readiness to give up and never failed to call me on it. Erin reminded me of conversations we had in the past about my dream to become a lawyer and that the biggest reason I had to succeed - my son - was cheering me on. Thank you Erin.
Ashley somehow managed to place a hedge around me and made it so I could focus more on bar review and less on the office. Those extra hours of focus often turned out to be the most important. I was able to keep working while I lived and breathed bar review only because of her insight and protection. It may not seem like much, but without it I would not have made it through. Thank you Ashley.
I found myself slipping and stressed as the bar exam got closer. Corbie created an environment of calm and harmony that kept me focused those last few weeks. I never had to think about meals, laundry, or anything other than studying. Thank you Corbie.
When I left for the bar exam I was met at the airport by Cami. We went to dinner and talked about anything that was not bar exam related. She dragged me out to watch the fireworks and stayed with me until I was ready to sleep. I easily could have lost focus and freaked right out that night before the bar exam but with Cami there I never even thought about the three days that were to come. Thank you Cami.
Following the bar exam Speedy and Clutch retreived my weary soul and took me to a rather nice watering hole enroute to the airport. We celebrated Wardog style. There is something about the vision of a friend as you emerge from a struggle that makes everything OK. I found that day I have many such friends. My coin was a constant reminder that I have teeth and I don't freakin let go. Thank you to my Wardogs.
Most importantly, without my son I would never have acknowledged my dreams. I would never have fought this battle. Without Owen none of this would have been worth anything. I would have drifted through life as I always did, content in my mediocre existence. There is simply no price that I would not pay to put a smile on his face and make him proud. For giving me life again, thank you Owen.
There are so many other people that gave their time and love to me through law school and the bar exam. Ronda, Rita, Frank and Adam, my cadets, Mad Max, my Mom and Sister, Danny, Paul & Shawna, Kelly (RIP), and so many others.
According to the State Bar of California's website there are now 46 days until bar exam results are released. No matter what the results are, taking the California Bar Exam has been a rewarding experience that has shown me the true value of friendship, love and loyalty. Because of these people I went to war with not only the dragon of the bar exam, but also my own personal demons. Those demons are dead and gone and I look forward to the "Better Days."
My friends and family, con todo mi ser, thank you.
Sometime back I promised to point out the positive things about bar review. Looking back at my blogs its easy to think it was all bad, but there were several people that stepped forward and, without any obligation to do so, gave of themselves to help me keep it together and make it through.
I want to say thank you.
My Aunt Maxine has always driven me - sometimes to the point of anger and resentment. She always saw my potential and never accepted my half-assed performace as good enough. When nearly everyone else said I should aim lower so I am not so disappointed when I miss, Maxine always insisted I aim as high as my imagination would allow me to. When everyone else wrote me off, she stayed supportive and never let me quit.
Without Maxine I would never have even started law school. I left a comfortable existence to begin this journey: playng hotel and running a very successful business was satisfying and I had more than enough. I closed those doors and moved to Arizona and tried to not look back.
Maxine provided the financial assistance I needed to transition from Hotel Manager/Business Owner to broke but eager law student. Without her I would not be where I am today. She has given so much of herself to so many people that the only way I can show my gratitude is to pay it forward.
It is her generosity that has forged my belief in giving back to the community I live in. My practice will always have room for another pro bono case and I never tire of reaching out to someone who is reaching back. Thank you Maxine.
My son's mom, Erin, doesn't have many reasons to be supportive of me. In fact, she has plenty of reasons to not be so supportive. Several times during bar review Erin somehow sensed my readiness to give up and never failed to call me on it. Erin reminded me of conversations we had in the past about my dream to become a lawyer and that the biggest reason I had to succeed - my son - was cheering me on. Thank you Erin.
Ashley somehow managed to place a hedge around me and made it so I could focus more on bar review and less on the office. Those extra hours of focus often turned out to be the most important. I was able to keep working while I lived and breathed bar review only because of her insight and protection. It may not seem like much, but without it I would not have made it through. Thank you Ashley.
I found myself slipping and stressed as the bar exam got closer. Corbie created an environment of calm and harmony that kept me focused those last few weeks. I never had to think about meals, laundry, or anything other than studying. Thank you Corbie.
When I left for the bar exam I was met at the airport by Cami. We went to dinner and talked about anything that was not bar exam related. She dragged me out to watch the fireworks and stayed with me until I was ready to sleep. I easily could have lost focus and freaked right out that night before the bar exam but with Cami there I never even thought about the three days that were to come. Thank you Cami.
Following the bar exam Speedy and Clutch retreived my weary soul and took me to a rather nice watering hole enroute to the airport. We celebrated Wardog style. There is something about the vision of a friend as you emerge from a struggle that makes everything OK. I found that day I have many such friends. My coin was a constant reminder that I have teeth and I don't freakin let go. Thank you to my Wardogs.
Most importantly, without my son I would never have acknowledged my dreams. I would never have fought this battle. Without Owen none of this would have been worth anything. I would have drifted through life as I always did, content in my mediocre existence. There is simply no price that I would not pay to put a smile on his face and make him proud. For giving me life again, thank you Owen.
There are so many other people that gave their time and love to me through law school and the bar exam. Ronda, Rita, Frank and Adam, my cadets, Mad Max, my Mom and Sister, Danny, Paul & Shawna, Kelly (RIP), and so many others.
According to the State Bar of California's website there are now 46 days until bar exam results are released. No matter what the results are, taking the California Bar Exam has been a rewarding experience that has shown me the true value of friendship, love and loyalty. Because of these people I went to war with not only the dragon of the bar exam, but also my own personal demons. Those demons are dead and gone and I look forward to the "Better Days."
My friends and family, con todo mi ser, thank you.
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