Lessons Learned at a Halloween House Party (Rated R)

Lesson Number 1.
A keg is fucking heavy. Put it in the bin first and then put the bin on the counter so you don't have to lift that fucker so high. However, put the damn tap in while its still below waist level to minimize facial spray.

Lesson Number 2.
Give cash to one of your roommates and make him use his credit card to pay for the keg. Stupid bitches don't understand "I'm paying cash" and $121.42 is a lot of money to be held up in an authorization all weekend. And if the keg does fall through the bin and/or counter you don't have to pay for it.

Lesson Number 3.
Black light bulbs are fucking hot.

Lesson Number 4.
Always invite more girls than guys to a house party. No one likes a sausage festival.

Lesson Number 5.
"Pretty Much" is not a good answer to "will this eyeliner come off easy?"

Lesson Number 6.
Hooker red lipstick always ends up on your dip stick.

Lesson Number 7.
Keep the drunk bitch away from the music. She can't see in the dark and the buttons are too complicated for her.

Lesson Number 8.
Drunk girls grab cock. Just a warning.

Lesson Number 9.
Yes Virginia, it is possible to have hot sweaty sex 5 times in a 12 hour period.

Lesson Number 10.
Getting walked in on while you are having hot sweaty sex is kind of a turn on. Leave that door unlocked for the drunk bitch.

Lesson Number 11.
Big drama comes in small packages. Three 5 foot tall drunk drama queens can kick your ass.

Lesson Number 12.
Beer. Its a good thing.