Wastin' Away Again At Margaritaville

November 19, 2007 - Monday

Wastin’ away again at Margaritaville.....

Jimmy Buffet has opened the new Margaritaville Cafe at Westgate Center. The location of this new Margaritaville is only relevant to the very important fact that its within 10 minutes of my home. And they are open until 2am.... thats important too.

I was standing in the lobby Friday night waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting for a table. (SHE was sitting on the floor - I don't know why). The Margaritaville girls were tossing the blow up beach volleyball around, smacking unsuspecting patrons in the head. The smell of margaritas wandered the dining room and I was pretty much drooling from the moment I walked in.

I saw a lot of people bitching about how long it was taking to get their tables. They would approach the host over and over asking "how much longer?" He gave his best smile and said "another ten or fifteen minutes is all." Liar.

I wasn't bitching though. I knew that eventually I would get that frozen concoction that helps me hang on. Even though it was 10pm and I had to be up and in uniform before 5am the next morning.

Some "christian leadership womans blah blah" group walked in and plopped their asses at MY TABLE just as my pager started buzzing. The Margaritaville girls made the little hostess go boot the ass ploppers away from my table and we all watched in delight as they gathered their easter hats and suitcase purses and left the establishment. What were nice christian girls doing in Margaritaville anyway? They obviously do not get the coconut telegraph.

We sat down and as I waited for my margarita to arrive I noticed, for the first time, that Margaritaville is not for everyone.

Its not for the complainy whiney bitch boy who kept bugging the host about how long his table was taking. That little snit wasn't even old enough to drink a margarita.

Its not for the 60 year old guy assgrabbing his 300 pound 17 year old girlfriend either. That was just wrong on so many levels.

Its not for the $30,000 millionairs perching outside in their Hollister shirts and Fossil watches trying to attract the attention of the christian women. Good luck with that boys!

I waited without complaint for much longer than the host told me I would wait for a table. I watched the people come and go. I shook the hand of the mango man. I saw jolly mon and the gray whale and knew that you have to treat Margaritaville like a lady. I saw trays of boat drinks and cheesburgers on my first look around. There was a brown eye'd girl with a sassy hip swing and they even had a front proch swing.

As I glanced at my watch and thought "its five o'clock somewhere" I realized that after all the changes in latitude and California promises I am a lot more like Desdamona than I care to admit (although I'm not building any rocket ship). I reflected on Joe Merhcant and that one particular harbor and the Kinja rules of my day to day life.

I brought that glass to my lips and as i filled my body with the blood of margaritaville I realized I was back where I belong. No, I wasn't drunk for over two weeks this time either.

Some of you know and understand. Some of us sailors call her home.....

Law School, The Bar Exam, and Starbucks

October 12, 2007 - Friday

Law School, The Bar Exam, and Starbucks

I woke up the other day. Sure, I wake up every day, or almost every day. But the other day I awoke and realized I have only 6 months until I graduate from law school.

Yeah! for me you say, but please don't. Sure, having that J.D. after my name will look cool on the Firm letterhead, and my friends will flock to me with their various legal ills and woes for free advice they won't listen to.

But 6 months goes really fast and then I take the California Bar Exam. Not so yeah......

So if I seem to be more and more of an asshole, please understand that its nothing personal. You see, I probably won't even know you exist when I offend you since I will be mentally reviewing such things as the rule against perpetuities and ways to get outside of the felony murder rule box.

So when I glare at you for waiting for your venti six pump triple shot half decaf two equals chocolate peppermint late at the cream and sugar bar, blocking my access to the half and half that is sure to be empty, and I murmer a little something like "do you fucking mind getting the fuck out of my fucking way" please understand its not about you.

Its about me. Its about you can't even begin to understand what its like unless you have been to law school.

So please just get away from the cream and sugar bar. In fact, use the fucking drive through or go to McDonalds so I don't have to listen to you order your silly ass 6000 calorie liquid candy.
That way I can get my coffee - and coffee makes me happy.

Anyway, like I said, sure, I'm an asshole. Its temporary. It will pass. It will pass when I pass the bar.

But at least I'm not a complete dick like that fuck taking up the cream and sugar bar.......