A Horse is a Horse Of Course ...

... of course unless the horse is some blonde scrawny mouth full of teeth chick at my bar.

Seriously, she couldnt even close her mouth with all the teeth. I wonder is she is a mouth breather?

I didn't really notice her right away because of her chubbie friend that was stripper dancing in her seat. I finally understand what "pigs dancing in a burlap sack" really looks like. Its funny how beer and latin hip hop a la Pitbull can get an ugly chick humming on herself.

Our night was winding down and it seemed theirs was winding up. Horsemouth came out of nowhere up to our table as if to graze and asked if any of us were smokers. But her teeth didnt move! Those white boulders of got beat the fuck up by the tooth fairy are packed in her mouth so damn tight nothing moves!

We were all stunned by her sudden presence and HOLY SHIT LOOK AT THOSE FUCKING TEETH that no one responded right away. McLovin finally said some weak something something about smoking cigarettes or something else. This elicited giggles of joy from Horsemouth.

I was able to avert my stare long enough to jump on the set up McLovin gave me, pushing Horsemouth to confess that she and her Chubsketeers had some ganja. Come on, ALL fat and/or ugly chicks have ganja or they will never get laid. I grilled her to the point that she was about to admit to possessing said narcotic when Bosnia Girl ran Horsemouth off. I never even got my badge off my belt.

Amid a chorus of horse noises and breying we finally wandered toward the front door, but not before taking one last look just to make sure Horsemouth wasn't just wearing some kind of fucked up redneck halloween prop.

Nope. Those fucking teeth are for real.

Was it really that bad?

I'll put it this way. I have no idea what Horsemouth's tits look like. Those that know me can tell you thats really fucking bad.

I think we can add a new one to the list of asshole shit to do while fucking a girl: The Lone Ranger - when you mount a Horsemouth and yell loudly, "Hi Yo Silver, Away!!!"

Then try to hold on.