Bar Review Version 2.1

No! Not more blogshit about fucking bar review... right ?

Actually, and not surprisingly, bar review version 2.1 is nothing like version 1.0 was.
Highlights of the differences:

I am writing 3 practice essays for each of the 14 major tested subjects and 4 practice performance tests - I submit these to the bar tutors for "critique" which they provide to me via recording.

Following all of that ( 56 hours of handwriting and approximately 500 or so pages of answers and outlines completed in the next 30 days ) I will then set out to memorize some 900 plus specific rules of law and 15 or so mental checklists, write out an additional 75 or so outlines to practice questions and generally absorb "the law."

So once again I am back to making jokes that only myself and other legally minded people understand. For example, "I own blackacre" would make a lecture hall of law student piss theyselves laughing.

I also need regular reminders to eat, use deodorant and go to bed. I manage to remind myself to take showers and brush my teeth however. Provided there is hot fucking water in my house anyway.

All in all life is great, bar review is nothing like before, and the Pilot Pen Company is sending me personal "thank you" notes for contributing to their record first quarter profits.
So unlike last time, feel free to stay in touch, say hello, and show up at my 40th Birthday Party coming up on the 17th. Just don't ask me to explain the "rule against perpetuities" or I might give you a dependant relative revocation.

But if you are in the market I'm selling blackacre....

... It's nobody's iault ...

It has recently come to my attention that certain people have been telling certain other people that I am blaming her and her daughter for not passing the bar exam.

What the fuck ?

To set the record strait, I did not pass the bar exam because my score was 26 points below the passing mark. Thats really only about 12 raw points - just 2 per essay. Thats half an issue.

My multiple choice scores were not only good, but rather spectacular - indicating a solid knowledge of the law. I just didnt write enough.

While I would prefer to have passed, I'm not so disappointed that I need to blame anyone for my bar results.

I might assign some blame for other shit that occured over the years (including to myself for my own contributions) but no one else was in that exam room with me (except for the 3999 other applicants).

I can't find fault in coming so close to passing that I only have to write a total of 50 essays over the next 80 days to polish my answer organization enough to pull another 5 to 10 points out of each essay. Thats not nearly as intense as Bar Review 1.0.

I have spoken with some of my fellow not passers and quite of few of them are needing to pull another 100 points or more in order to even be in the realm of where I am. A certain Stanford Law School Dean and Constitutional Law Scholar missed the California Bar Exam passing mark by far more points than I did on her first attempt.

So I'm not blaming anyone for being in an enviable position of doing some polishing and improvement on an already damn close skill set to pass the bar exam. Its nobody's fault that I have the time, materials and emotional stability to get back on the horse, nail my organization and writing approaches, and go back in that room with a level of confidence I did not have the first time.

I'm not even stressed out this time.

Now I have to go look for my lost shaker of salt.....

Bar Review Version 2.0

I am beginning my re-newed preparations to take the California Bar Exam. This coming Friday will be the first of 78 full time study days dedicated to improving my essay and performance test scores. This time its only going to be 6 to 8 hours a day though instead of 10 to 12 like last time.

Bar Review Version 2.0 will not be anything like Version 1.0. I went beyond my usual charming asshole self well into the realm of being a complete dick during bar review 1.0. Just ask Eric.

Version 2.0 will not require me to do any law lectures or workshops. This time my review is about improving my writing style, format and presentation because I only needed 12.5 more raw points to pass.

Had I scored just 1.8 raw points more on each of my essays and PTs I would have passed the bar exam. That's one or two "buzzwords" for each essay. In fact, because my scores were so close to passing my essays and PTs were read a second time and my ultimate scores were the average between the two readings. Had I received the highest of the scores on each essay where there was a difference, I would have passed.

I'm not making excuses. I'm just setting the context for what bar review will be like this time. This time I am not going to let bar review completely consume my time and life like Version 1.0. This time I am going to:

1) Go to happy hour at the FOB with my roomies like usual
2) Continue to talk to my friends and loved ones
3) Smile and be cheerful
4) Eat, shower and do laundry without needing a reminder
5) Have a LOT of sex with my Girlfriend!

I recently read somewhere that having sex is one of the best ways to get your creative mind to perform at its peak. In fact one bar review "guru" advocates a daily booty call all through bar review. Well if he says so….

I am dedicated, positive and resolved to be successful on Bar Exam 2.0 this coming February. And I'm not going to loose me or my life in the process of getting there this time. So my Big Four O birthday party is still on (save the date – January 17!), and I'm going to celebrate the holidays wholeheartedly.

And if you are thinking of sending me something for either Christmas or my birthday, might I suggest Southwest Airlines gift cards, Starbucks cards or donations to my Bar Exam Hotel and Eating fund….

That was a joke by the way …… mostly anyway!

Last Call ....

I began writing this blog exactly 7 days, 3 hours and 20 minutes before the results of the California Bar Exam will be posted on the State Bar Website. As I post this blog on November 21, 2008, I now know my results. I will get to that in a minute, but first I want to savor the moment, even if its just in a blog.

Before I even "graduated" from law school I was well into my 5 month long bar review course. Although it started slowly – Saturdays and Sundays only, bar review grew into a consuming 7 day a week habit. During this time I never had the opportunity to realize for myself, and share with my friends and family that I was now a "legal scholar" adorned with the title "Juris Doctor" with all the rights and privileges thereunto pertaining.

Completing law school is a tremendous task for anyone, particularly a 39 year old three time college dropout boat bum slacker who has drifted from place to place for nearly 20 years. So without the acclaim of pomp and circumstance, without celebration, without ceremony, I silently became a law school graduate in April of 2008.

Only after the bar exam was over and I rediscovered beer, free time, friends, a girlfriend, and a social life, did I reflect on the totality of this dream of mine. Starting with every reason why not, I took the first steps in the spring of 2003 when I moved to Phoenix. (I won't restate the journey because it is already mostly chronicled in my previous blogs.) Here I am five years later, at the end of my five year plan waiting for a computer to tell me if I have a six month extension of that plan coming my way.

At some point this past summer, when people stopped asking me how I thought I did on the bar, I began to get used to having weekends and evenings free. I could think about something other than my outlines and practice MBE questions. Briefly I even stopped thinking about the bar exam entirely. Alright that's not really true but I tried.

At least once an hour since July 31, 2008, I have reflected upon the bar exam. What if I pass ? What if I don't pass? I already know I can answer either of those questions. I had a few nightmares before the bar about not having my sharpened No. 2 pencils on MBE day and earthquakes during the bar exam – oh wait that really did happen! I have since had a number of dreams about getting my results today.

I recall far too clearly the emotional meltdown I had after finding out that I passed the baby bar. I couldn't talk, I couldn't drive, and I couldn't see through the emotion in my eyes. Today has been surprisingly calm as I counted down hours, then minutes, to the moment of discovery. Several times today someone commented on how cool and collected I appeared considering the upcoming event of this evening. Cool Hand Luke… yes that's me today. So far anyway.

Through the final few weeks of waiting I have experienced the results in the corners of my mind. I have many times tasted victory and defeat in this hypothetical musical production before I manage to catch myself and redirect my energy to something productive.

Probably the most productive thing in my life is my new relationship with Daun. She is here with me to share this moment and I know either way she is here with me following that click of the mouse.

During bar review and the bar exam I have rediscovered the meaning of friends and true friendship. I have rediscovered love and commitment. I have as a backdrop the various traumas, turmoil, abandonments, and breakdowns that have been the musical score for me throughout this whole five year endeavor.

I am in a sense alone as I receive the news, in that the bar exam, the preparations, and the result are truly an individual experience. Yet I am surrounded by love and support from those who made it possible for me to take this journey.

Today has been a moment by moment countdown for me, waiting for 6:00 p.m. to roll around so I can click the "submit" button. Oh, by the way that's 6:00 p.m. PACIFIC TIME which means 7:00 p.m. for me here in Arizona.

And now, at 7:03 p.m. on November 21, 2008, in my office in Scottsdale Arizona, I am clicking the submit button. With that click, the July 2008 California Bar Examination is now closed….

And the February 2009 Bar is now open ... my name does not appear on the pass list.

Thank you everyone for your support and know that I'm going back into that room....

... the final countdown ...

According to the State Bar of California there are now nine days until the July 2008 Bar Exam results are available to applicants who took the exam.

Of course I already know this to be true - November 21, 2008, at 6:00 p.m. has been on my mind daily since July 31, 2008 at 4:35 p.m.

I want to thank everyone for not asking me a lot of questions about how I think I did and why does it take so long to get results. I'm going to answer those questions for you now.

I have no predictions about my results and honestly I have no feelings either way. But how I did isn't really about the points I scored.

I completed law school. Via online study. I supplemented my studies with tutorials, lectures, seminars, workshops and review courses at various law schools in California. I flew no less than 164 flight segments or about 20 round trips for each year of law school on Southwest Airlines to attend these lectures and workshops.

I passed the California First Year Law Student Exam "Baby Bar" on the first attempt.

I began my bar review course the first weekend of March of 2008 and aside from one weekend in May I studied 7 days a week up to the bar exam.

I dedicated myself heart and soul to this bar exam and took no short cuts. I never gave in to the desire to pop smoke and run and followed on to complete the mission - which was completing all three days of the bar exam.

How did I do? I did just fine thank you. Regardless of the points I will not see anything as "failure" about this bar exam.

Why does it take so long to get results?

There were 8,486 applicants who took the July 2007 bar exam in California. Using last year's numbers lets look at whats involved in grading this bar exam.

Each applicant writes 6 essay questions, 2 performance test questions, and 200 multiple choice questions (except the attorney applicants do not take the multiple choice questions). The MBE is graded by computer so we need not consider that time.

In total there are 50,916 essay answers to grade and 16, 972 performance test answers to grade. These answers are graded by practicing attorneys in California who spend about 3 minutes on an essay answer and 5 minutes on a performance test. They read the answers and assign points based on an objectively subjective system. Don't ask.

There are 2,546 hours spent grading essays and 1,414 hours spent grading performance test answers. Thats just the first reading. Some of the answers are read by a second grader depending on the total scores. That is a total of 3,960 hours spent reading and grading the written portion of the bar exam - all in less than 4 months. Not considering the administration time spent getting the answers to and from the graders, the data collected and processed and the scaling of scores that no one really understands.

There are somewhere between 1500 and 2000 man hours expended in each of the 4 months between the bar exam and the release of results. Nearly a full year of work for most people.

Thats 4 full years of work total In 4 months time.

It takes a minute.

With nine days to go I am trying to not get too sideways thinking about the results. There are only two possible scenarios: I don't take the California Bar Exam again or I take the California Bar exam again. The end result will be I pass the exam and am admitted to practice law in California. I will not falter.

I have put together a list of people who have expressed that they want a phone call when I get my results. I will not be making the calls personally simply because the emotional influences tend to make it hard to speak.

I will post a blog a few days after results. If you do not get a call or hear from me please do not be offended. This is my bar exam and I will share it in my own way and time.

After I get results Daun is driving me to a particular Irish Pub where a small gathering will inbibe large amounts of Strongbow and Blue Moon. Send me a message if you are local and would like to join us...

Lessons Learned at a Halloween House Party (Rated R)

Lesson Number 1.
A keg is fucking heavy. Put it in the bin first and then put the bin on the counter so you don't have to lift that fucker so high. However, put the damn tap in while its still below waist level to minimize facial spray.

Lesson Number 2.
Give cash to one of your roommates and make him use his credit card to pay for the keg. Stupid bitches don't understand "I'm paying cash" and $121.42 is a lot of money to be held up in an authorization all weekend. And if the keg does fall through the bin and/or counter you don't have to pay for it.

Lesson Number 3.
Black light bulbs are fucking hot.

Lesson Number 4.
Always invite more girls than guys to a house party. No one likes a sausage festival.

Lesson Number 5.
"Pretty Much" is not a good answer to "will this eyeliner come off easy?"

Lesson Number 6.
Hooker red lipstick always ends up on your dip stick.

Lesson Number 7.
Keep the drunk bitch away from the music. She can't see in the dark and the buttons are too complicated for her.

Lesson Number 8.
Drunk girls grab cock. Just a warning.

Lesson Number 9.
Yes Virginia, it is possible to have hot sweaty sex 5 times in a 12 hour period.

Lesson Number 10.
Getting walked in on while you are having hot sweaty sex is kind of a turn on. Leave that door unlocked for the drunk bitch.

Lesson Number 11.
Big drama comes in small packages. Three 5 foot tall drunk drama queens can kick your ass.

Lesson Number 12.
Beer. Its a good thing.

A Year Ago...A Year From Now

Thanks to my High School Senior English class I have spent considerable portions of my life journaling. Before the internet and this "blog" thing I would sit down with paper and pen ( a nice pen... fountain pens were my favorite ) and fill the pages with comedic anecdotes of the present and past. Occasionally I would make suggestions of what the future might hold as well. But not predictions.

I would cryptically mark these passages with the phrase "a year ago a year from now" so that decades later when I revisited the journal I would be able to connect the dots of my life.

It's amazing that by taking a step back and looking at your life from the big picture perspective you can hear the melody and harmony of the music you make. When you are in the day to day moments all you seem to notice is the deep thumping of the drums and bass.

Of course I had neither the time or inclination to journal or blog for most of my law school "career." Not like now.

What follows are point in time snapshots of where I was, what I was doing, and who I was doing it with, with my then guess of where I would be a year later.

October 2002
I was managing (read: playing) three hotels in Estes Park Colorado. I was married to Gloria. I believe I thought I would be doing the same thing with the same people a year later, but law school was beginning to haunt my dreams.

October 2003
I was working in a very small solo law practice helping to close down the Scottsdale practice in anticipation of the firm moving to Tucson. I filed for divorce from Gloria that month. I was living with Nikki and her daughter Hailee and my parents had come to visit from Mexico. I was then four months into 1L (the first year of law school) and drank way too much beer at the Grapevine (karaoke bar). I knew that a year later I would be sitting for the "baby bar" exam in California (First Year Law Student Exam).

October 2004
I spent nearly the entire month in Alaska with Maxine doing my baby bar "boot camp" study session - three weeks of 12 hours a day, 7 days a week intensive review of torts, contracts and criminal law. I did get to see some old friends and wives: Jerome came over for dinner. I had dinner at the Food Factory with Becki. I even ran into Dave Totten, C.J., and Becki's aunt and uncle at the SIlver Spur. As the end of the month approached I returned to Scottsdale and then off I went to L.A. to take (and pass) the baby bar. I had recently moved back in with Nikki after a few months of being seperated. I had no concept of the past or the future at that point in time. My world was the baby bar. I did harbor hope that a year later I would have passed the exam of course.

October 2005
I was working at Phillips & Asociates in the personal injury litigation department. Nikki and I had moved into my condo in Arrowhead and I was spending a lot of time doing military simulation combat games (live action - not board games or video games. Real GI Joe shit!). Of course law school was progressing. I had passed the baby bar a year prior. I wasn't thinking about the future because I was actually content in my then existence.

October 2006
Nikki and I were still in the condo but I was beginning to question the relationship. She wanted marriage and I wasn't sure she would survive the bar exam beginning to appear on the horizon. I had escaped from Phillips & Associates and was working again where I am now. I had been to every national large scale military simulation event since the prior year and had met Valkyire at one such event that month. We would later spend a week together and that week would serve as context for a lot of changes that I would make in my life in the following years. Suffice it to say I had serious doubts that Nikki and I would be together a year later, as did she.

October 2007
Nikki and I were married but the lack of trust between both of us had already began to cut away at the already faulty foundation. We had moved out of Maxine's condo and my nephew Gavin was living with us for a year. I was in my last year of law school and the bar exam was coming. Margaritaville Glendale had opened and I spent some time taste testing those frozen concoctions that help me hang on. I had re-joined the Civil Air Patrol and was working with cadets. I didn't think about the fact that a year later I would be waiting for results of the bar exam.

October 2008
I was going to say I never saw it coming. But in revisiting the past six years I have to say I am not surprised that Nikki and I are no longer together. I am preparing the divorce documents and will be filing next month. Its civil and we have both acknowledged our respective contributions to the demise. I live with 3 male roommates in Peoria - that I never saw coming. I met someone a little more than a month ago and we really fit together. There are now 30 days until I find out the results of the bar exam. We are having a keg of Rock Bottom's finest and 100 or so of our closest friends over this coming Saturday.

October 2009
A year from now....
I would suggest that Daun and I will be thinking about, maybe talking about, a beach and a sunset and drinks at Coasters. Its likely I will be sworn in as an attorney. Holy freaking shit!!!! Sorry, its still a little wow for me. I don't know for sure what the future holds but I do know that it just keeps getting better and better, even if sometimes, in the middle of the turmoil, it seems like nothing is going right.

A year ago I would have been shocked to see where I am now. But I don't want to be anywhere else.