It has recently come to my attention that certain people have been telling certain other people that I am blaming her and her daughter for not passing the bar exam.
What the fuck ?
To set the record strait, I did not pass the bar exam because my score was 26 points below the passing mark. Thats really only about 12 raw points - just 2 per essay. Thats half an issue.
My multiple choice scores were not only good, but rather spectacular - indicating a solid knowledge of the law. I just didnt write enough.
While I would prefer to have passed, I'm not so disappointed that I need to blame anyone for my bar results.
I might assign some blame for other shit that occured over the years (including to myself for my own contributions) but no one else was in that exam room with me (except for the 3999 other applicants).
I can't find fault in coming so close to passing that I only have to write a total of 50 essays over the next 80 days to polish my answer organization enough to pull another 5 to 10 points out of each essay. Thats not nearly as intense as Bar Review 1.0.
I have spoken with some of my fellow not passers and quite of few of them are needing to pull another 100 points or more in order to even be in the realm of where I am. A certain Stanford Law School Dean and Constitutional Law Scholar missed the California Bar Exam passing mark by far more points than I did on her first attempt.
So I'm not blaming anyone for being in an enviable position of doing some polishing and improvement on an already damn close skill set to pass the bar exam. Its nobody's fault that I have the time, materials and emotional stability to get back on the horse, nail my organization and writing approaches, and go back in that room with a level of confidence I did not have the first time.
I'm not even stressed out this time.
Now I have to go look for my lost shaker of salt.....
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Bar Review Version 2.0
I am beginning my re-newed preparations to take the California Bar Exam. This coming Friday will be the first of 78 full time study days dedicated to improving my essay and performance test scores. This time its only going to be 6 to 8 hours a day though instead of 10 to 12 like last time.
Bar Review Version 2.0 will not be anything like Version 1.0. I went beyond my usual charming asshole self well into the realm of being a complete dick during bar review 1.0. Just ask Eric.
Version 2.0 will not require me to do any law lectures or workshops. This time my review is about improving my writing style, format and presentation because I only needed 12.5 more raw points to pass.
Had I scored just 1.8 raw points more on each of my essays and PTs I would have passed the bar exam. That's one or two "buzzwords" for each essay. In fact, because my scores were so close to passing my essays and PTs were read a second time and my ultimate scores were the average between the two readings. Had I received the highest of the scores on each essay where there was a difference, I would have passed.
I'm not making excuses. I'm just setting the context for what bar review will be like this time. This time I am not going to let bar review completely consume my time and life like Version 1.0. This time I am going to:
1) Go to happy hour at the FOB with my roomies like usual
2) Continue to talk to my friends and loved ones
3) Smile and be cheerful
4) Eat, shower and do laundry without needing a reminder
5) Have a LOT of sex with my Girlfriend!
I recently read somewhere that having sex is one of the best ways to get your creative mind to perform at its peak. In fact one bar review "guru" advocates a daily booty call all through bar review. Well if he says so….
I am dedicated, positive and resolved to be successful on Bar Exam 2.0 this coming February. And I'm not going to loose me or my life in the process of getting there this time. So my Big Four O birthday party is still on (save the date – January 17!), and I'm going to celebrate the holidays wholeheartedly.
And if you are thinking of sending me something for either Christmas or my birthday, might I suggest Southwest Airlines gift cards, Starbucks cards or donations to my Bar Exam Hotel and Eating fund….
That was a joke by the way …… mostly anyway!
Bar Review Version 2.0 will not be anything like Version 1.0. I went beyond my usual charming asshole self well into the realm of being a complete dick during bar review 1.0. Just ask Eric.
Version 2.0 will not require me to do any law lectures or workshops. This time my review is about improving my writing style, format and presentation because I only needed 12.5 more raw points to pass.
Had I scored just 1.8 raw points more on each of my essays and PTs I would have passed the bar exam. That's one or two "buzzwords" for each essay. In fact, because my scores were so close to passing my essays and PTs were read a second time and my ultimate scores were the average between the two readings. Had I received the highest of the scores on each essay where there was a difference, I would have passed.
I'm not making excuses. I'm just setting the context for what bar review will be like this time. This time I am not going to let bar review completely consume my time and life like Version 1.0. This time I am going to:
1) Go to happy hour at the FOB with my roomies like usual
2) Continue to talk to my friends and loved ones
3) Smile and be cheerful
4) Eat, shower and do laundry without needing a reminder
5) Have a LOT of sex with my Girlfriend!
I recently read somewhere that having sex is one of the best ways to get your creative mind to perform at its peak. In fact one bar review "guru" advocates a daily booty call all through bar review. Well if he says so….
I am dedicated, positive and resolved to be successful on Bar Exam 2.0 this coming February. And I'm not going to loose me or my life in the process of getting there this time. So my Big Four O birthday party is still on (save the date – January 17!), and I'm going to celebrate the holidays wholeheartedly.
And if you are thinking of sending me something for either Christmas or my birthday, might I suggest Southwest Airlines gift cards, Starbucks cards or donations to my Bar Exam Hotel and Eating fund….
That was a joke by the way …… mostly anyway!
Monday, November 24, 2008
Last Call ....
I began writing this blog exactly 7 days, 3 hours and 20 minutes before the results of the California Bar Exam will be posted on the State Bar Website. As I post this blog on November 21, 2008, I now know my results. I will get to that in a minute, but first I want to savor the moment, even if its just in a blog.
Before I even "graduated" from law school I was well into my 5 month long bar review course. Although it started slowly – Saturdays and Sundays only, bar review grew into a consuming 7 day a week habit. During this time I never had the opportunity to realize for myself, and share with my friends and family that I was now a "legal scholar" adorned with the title "Juris Doctor" with all the rights and privileges thereunto pertaining.
Completing law school is a tremendous task for anyone, particularly a 39 year old three time college dropout boat bum slacker who has drifted from place to place for nearly 20 years. So without the acclaim of pomp and circumstance, without celebration, without ceremony, I silently became a law school graduate in April of 2008.
Only after the bar exam was over and I rediscovered beer, free time, friends, a girlfriend, and a social life, did I reflect on the totality of this dream of mine. Starting with every reason why not, I took the first steps in the spring of 2003 when I moved to Phoenix. (I won't restate the journey because it is already mostly chronicled in my previous blogs.) Here I am five years later, at the end of my five year plan waiting for a computer to tell me if I have a six month extension of that plan coming my way.
At some point this past summer, when people stopped asking me how I thought I did on the bar, I began to get used to having weekends and evenings free. I could think about something other than my outlines and practice MBE questions. Briefly I even stopped thinking about the bar exam entirely. Alright that's not really true but I tried.
At least once an hour since July 31, 2008, I have reflected upon the bar exam. What if I pass ? What if I don't pass? I already know I can answer either of those questions. I had a few nightmares before the bar about not having my sharpened No. 2 pencils on MBE day and earthquakes during the bar exam – oh wait that really did happen! I have since had a number of dreams about getting my results today.
I recall far too clearly the emotional meltdown I had after finding out that I passed the baby bar. I couldn't talk, I couldn't drive, and I couldn't see through the emotion in my eyes. Today has been surprisingly calm as I counted down hours, then minutes, to the moment of discovery. Several times today someone commented on how cool and collected I appeared considering the upcoming event of this evening. Cool Hand Luke… yes that's me today. So far anyway.
Through the final few weeks of waiting I have experienced the results in the corners of my mind. I have many times tasted victory and defeat in this hypothetical musical production before I manage to catch myself and redirect my energy to something productive.
Probably the most productive thing in my life is my new relationship with Daun. She is here with me to share this moment and I know either way she is here with me following that click of the mouse.
During bar review and the bar exam I have rediscovered the meaning of friends and true friendship. I have rediscovered love and commitment. I have as a backdrop the various traumas, turmoil, abandonments, and breakdowns that have been the musical score for me throughout this whole five year endeavor.
I am in a sense alone as I receive the news, in that the bar exam, the preparations, and the result are truly an individual experience. Yet I am surrounded by love and support from those who made it possible for me to take this journey.
Today has been a moment by moment countdown for me, waiting for 6:00 p.m. to roll around so I can click the "submit" button. Oh, by the way that's 6:00 p.m. PACIFIC TIME which means 7:00 p.m. for me here in Arizona.
And now, at 7:03 p.m. on November 21, 2008, in my office in Scottsdale Arizona, I am clicking the submit button. With that click, the July 2008 California Bar Examination is now closed….
And the February 2009 Bar is now open ... my name does not appear on the pass list.
Thank you everyone for your support and know that I'm going back into that room....
Before I even "graduated" from law school I was well into my 5 month long bar review course. Although it started slowly – Saturdays and Sundays only, bar review grew into a consuming 7 day a week habit. During this time I never had the opportunity to realize for myself, and share with my friends and family that I was now a "legal scholar" adorned with the title "Juris Doctor" with all the rights and privileges thereunto pertaining.
Completing law school is a tremendous task for anyone, particularly a 39 year old three time college dropout boat bum slacker who has drifted from place to place for nearly 20 years. So without the acclaim of pomp and circumstance, without celebration, without ceremony, I silently became a law school graduate in April of 2008.
Only after the bar exam was over and I rediscovered beer, free time, friends, a girlfriend, and a social life, did I reflect on the totality of this dream of mine. Starting with every reason why not, I took the first steps in the spring of 2003 when I moved to Phoenix. (I won't restate the journey because it is already mostly chronicled in my previous blogs.) Here I am five years later, at the end of my five year plan waiting for a computer to tell me if I have a six month extension of that plan coming my way.
At some point this past summer, when people stopped asking me how I thought I did on the bar, I began to get used to having weekends and evenings free. I could think about something other than my outlines and practice MBE questions. Briefly I even stopped thinking about the bar exam entirely. Alright that's not really true but I tried.
At least once an hour since July 31, 2008, I have reflected upon the bar exam. What if I pass ? What if I don't pass? I already know I can answer either of those questions. I had a few nightmares before the bar about not having my sharpened No. 2 pencils on MBE day and earthquakes during the bar exam – oh wait that really did happen! I have since had a number of dreams about getting my results today.
I recall far too clearly the emotional meltdown I had after finding out that I passed the baby bar. I couldn't talk, I couldn't drive, and I couldn't see through the emotion in my eyes. Today has been surprisingly calm as I counted down hours, then minutes, to the moment of discovery. Several times today someone commented on how cool and collected I appeared considering the upcoming event of this evening. Cool Hand Luke… yes that's me today. So far anyway.
Through the final few weeks of waiting I have experienced the results in the corners of my mind. I have many times tasted victory and defeat in this hypothetical musical production before I manage to catch myself and redirect my energy to something productive.
Probably the most productive thing in my life is my new relationship with Daun. She is here with me to share this moment and I know either way she is here with me following that click of the mouse.
During bar review and the bar exam I have rediscovered the meaning of friends and true friendship. I have rediscovered love and commitment. I have as a backdrop the various traumas, turmoil, abandonments, and breakdowns that have been the musical score for me throughout this whole five year endeavor.
I am in a sense alone as I receive the news, in that the bar exam, the preparations, and the result are truly an individual experience. Yet I am surrounded by love and support from those who made it possible for me to take this journey.
Today has been a moment by moment countdown for me, waiting for 6:00 p.m. to roll around so I can click the "submit" button. Oh, by the way that's 6:00 p.m. PACIFIC TIME which means 7:00 p.m. for me here in Arizona.
And now, at 7:03 p.m. on November 21, 2008, in my office in Scottsdale Arizona, I am clicking the submit button. With that click, the July 2008 California Bar Examination is now closed….
And the February 2009 Bar is now open ... my name does not appear on the pass list.
Thank you everyone for your support and know that I'm going back into that room....
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
... the final countdown ...
According to the State Bar of California there are now nine days until the July 2008 Bar Exam results are available to applicants who took the exam.
Of course I already know this to be true - November 21, 2008, at 6:00 p.m. has been on my mind daily since July 31, 2008 at 4:35 p.m.
I want to thank everyone for not asking me a lot of questions about how I think I did and why does it take so long to get results. I'm going to answer those questions for you now.
I have no predictions about my results and honestly I have no feelings either way. But how I did isn't really about the points I scored.
I completed law school. Via online study. I supplemented my studies with tutorials, lectures, seminars, workshops and review courses at various law schools in California. I flew no less than 164 flight segments or about 20 round trips for each year of law school on Southwest Airlines to attend these lectures and workshops.
I passed the California First Year Law Student Exam "Baby Bar" on the first attempt.
I began my bar review course the first weekend of March of 2008 and aside from one weekend in May I studied 7 days a week up to the bar exam.
I dedicated myself heart and soul to this bar exam and took no short cuts. I never gave in to the desire to pop smoke and run and followed on to complete the mission - which was completing all three days of the bar exam.
How did I do? I did just fine thank you. Regardless of the points I will not see anything as "failure" about this bar exam.
Why does it take so long to get results?
There were 8,486 applicants who took the July 2007 bar exam in California. Using last year's numbers lets look at whats involved in grading this bar exam.
Each applicant writes 6 essay questions, 2 performance test questions, and 200 multiple choice questions (except the attorney applicants do not take the multiple choice questions). The MBE is graded by computer so we need not consider that time.
In total there are 50,916 essay answers to grade and 16, 972 performance test answers to grade. These answers are graded by practicing attorneys in California who spend about 3 minutes on an essay answer and 5 minutes on a performance test. They read the answers and assign points based on an objectively subjective system. Don't ask.
There are 2,546 hours spent grading essays and 1,414 hours spent grading performance test answers. Thats just the first reading. Some of the answers are read by a second grader depending on the total scores. That is a total of 3,960 hours spent reading and grading the written portion of the bar exam - all in less than 4 months. Not considering the administration time spent getting the answers to and from the graders, the data collected and processed and the scaling of scores that no one really understands.
There are somewhere between 1500 and 2000 man hours expended in each of the 4 months between the bar exam and the release of results. Nearly a full year of work for most people.
Thats 4 full years of work total In 4 months time.
It takes a minute.
With nine days to go I am trying to not get too sideways thinking about the results. There are only two possible scenarios: I don't take the California Bar Exam again or I take the California Bar exam again. The end result will be I pass the exam and am admitted to practice law in California. I will not falter.
I have put together a list of people who have expressed that they want a phone call when I get my results. I will not be making the calls personally simply because the emotional influences tend to make it hard to speak.
I will post a blog a few days after results. If you do not get a call or hear from me please do not be offended. This is my bar exam and I will share it in my own way and time.
After I get results Daun is driving me to a particular Irish Pub where a small gathering will inbibe large amounts of Strongbow and Blue Moon. Send me a message if you are local and would like to join us...
Of course I already know this to be true - November 21, 2008, at 6:00 p.m. has been on my mind daily since July 31, 2008 at 4:35 p.m.
I want to thank everyone for not asking me a lot of questions about how I think I did and why does it take so long to get results. I'm going to answer those questions for you now.
I have no predictions about my results and honestly I have no feelings either way. But how I did isn't really about the points I scored.
I completed law school. Via online study. I supplemented my studies with tutorials, lectures, seminars, workshops and review courses at various law schools in California. I flew no less than 164 flight segments or about 20 round trips for each year of law school on Southwest Airlines to attend these lectures and workshops.
I passed the California First Year Law Student Exam "Baby Bar" on the first attempt.
I began my bar review course the first weekend of March of 2008 and aside from one weekend in May I studied 7 days a week up to the bar exam.
I dedicated myself heart and soul to this bar exam and took no short cuts. I never gave in to the desire to pop smoke and run and followed on to complete the mission - which was completing all three days of the bar exam.
How did I do? I did just fine thank you. Regardless of the points I will not see anything as "failure" about this bar exam.
Why does it take so long to get results?
There were 8,486 applicants who took the July 2007 bar exam in California. Using last year's numbers lets look at whats involved in grading this bar exam.
Each applicant writes 6 essay questions, 2 performance test questions, and 200 multiple choice questions (except the attorney applicants do not take the multiple choice questions). The MBE is graded by computer so we need not consider that time.
In total there are 50,916 essay answers to grade and 16, 972 performance test answers to grade. These answers are graded by practicing attorneys in California who spend about 3 minutes on an essay answer and 5 minutes on a performance test. They read the answers and assign points based on an objectively subjective system. Don't ask.
There are 2,546 hours spent grading essays and 1,414 hours spent grading performance test answers. Thats just the first reading. Some of the answers are read by a second grader depending on the total scores. That is a total of 3,960 hours spent reading and grading the written portion of the bar exam - all in less than 4 months. Not considering the administration time spent getting the answers to and from the graders, the data collected and processed and the scaling of scores that no one really understands.
There are somewhere between 1500 and 2000 man hours expended in each of the 4 months between the bar exam and the release of results. Nearly a full year of work for most people.
Thats 4 full years of work total In 4 months time.
It takes a minute.
With nine days to go I am trying to not get too sideways thinking about the results. There are only two possible scenarios: I don't take the California Bar Exam again or I take the California Bar exam again. The end result will be I pass the exam and am admitted to practice law in California. I will not falter.
I have put together a list of people who have expressed that they want a phone call when I get my results. I will not be making the calls personally simply because the emotional influences tend to make it hard to speak.
I will post a blog a few days after results. If you do not get a call or hear from me please do not be offended. This is my bar exam and I will share it in my own way and time.
After I get results Daun is driving me to a particular Irish Pub where a small gathering will inbibe large amounts of Strongbow and Blue Moon. Send me a message if you are local and would like to join us...
Monday, October 27, 2008
Lessons Learned at a Halloween House Party (Rated R)
Lesson Number 1.
A keg is fucking heavy. Put it in the bin first and then put the bin on the counter so you don't have to lift that fucker so high. However, put the damn tap in while its still below waist level to minimize facial spray.
Lesson Number 2.
Give cash to one of your roommates and make him use his credit card to pay for the keg. Stupid bitches don't understand "I'm paying cash" and $121.42 is a lot of money to be held up in an authorization all weekend. And if the keg does fall through the bin and/or counter you don't have to pay for it.
Lesson Number 3.
Black light bulbs are fucking hot.
Lesson Number 4.
Always invite more girls than guys to a house party. No one likes a sausage festival.
Lesson Number 5.
"Pretty Much" is not a good answer to "will this eyeliner come off easy?"
Lesson Number 6.
Hooker red lipstick always ends up on your dip stick.
Lesson Number 7.
Keep the drunk bitch away from the music. She can't see in the dark and the buttons are too complicated for her.
Lesson Number 8.
Drunk girls grab cock. Just a warning.
Lesson Number 9.
Yes Virginia, it is possible to have hot sweaty sex 5 times in a 12 hour period.
Lesson Number 10.
Getting walked in on while you are having hot sweaty sex is kind of a turn on. Leave that door unlocked for the drunk bitch.
Lesson Number 11.
Big drama comes in small packages. Three 5 foot tall drunk drama queens can kick your ass.
Lesson Number 12.
Beer. Its a good thing.
A keg is fucking heavy. Put it in the bin first and then put the bin on the counter so you don't have to lift that fucker so high. However, put the damn tap in while its still below waist level to minimize facial spray.
Lesson Number 2.
Give cash to one of your roommates and make him use his credit card to pay for the keg. Stupid bitches don't understand "I'm paying cash" and $121.42 is a lot of money to be held up in an authorization all weekend. And if the keg does fall through the bin and/or counter you don't have to pay for it.
Lesson Number 3.
Black light bulbs are fucking hot.
Lesson Number 4.
Always invite more girls than guys to a house party. No one likes a sausage festival.
Lesson Number 5.
"Pretty Much" is not a good answer to "will this eyeliner come off easy?"
Lesson Number 6.
Hooker red lipstick always ends up on your dip stick.
Lesson Number 7.
Keep the drunk bitch away from the music. She can't see in the dark and the buttons are too complicated for her.
Lesson Number 8.
Drunk girls grab cock. Just a warning.
Lesson Number 9.
Yes Virginia, it is possible to have hot sweaty sex 5 times in a 12 hour period.
Lesson Number 10.
Getting walked in on while you are having hot sweaty sex is kind of a turn on. Leave that door unlocked for the drunk bitch.
Lesson Number 11.
Big drama comes in small packages. Three 5 foot tall drunk drama queens can kick your ass.
Lesson Number 12.
Beer. Its a good thing.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
A Year Ago...A Year From Now
Thanks to my High School Senior English class I have spent considerable portions of my life journaling. Before the internet and this "blog" thing I would sit down with paper and pen ( a nice pen... fountain pens were my favorite ) and fill the pages with comedic anecdotes of the present and past. Occasionally I would make suggestions of what the future might hold as well. But not predictions.
I would cryptically mark these passages with the phrase "a year ago a year from now" so that decades later when I revisited the journal I would be able to connect the dots of my life.
It's amazing that by taking a step back and looking at your life from the big picture perspective you can hear the melody and harmony of the music you make. When you are in the day to day moments all you seem to notice is the deep thumping of the drums and bass.
Of course I had neither the time or inclination to journal or blog for most of my law school "career." Not like now.
What follows are point in time snapshots of where I was, what I was doing, and who I was doing it with, with my then guess of where I would be a year later.
October 2002
I was managing (read: playing) three hotels in Estes Park Colorado. I was married to Gloria. I believe I thought I would be doing the same thing with the same people a year later, but law school was beginning to haunt my dreams.
October 2003
I was working in a very small solo law practice helping to close down the Scottsdale practice in anticipation of the firm moving to Tucson. I filed for divorce from Gloria that month. I was living with Nikki and her daughter Hailee and my parents had come to visit from Mexico. I was then four months into 1L (the first year of law school) and drank way too much beer at the Grapevine (karaoke bar). I knew that a year later I would be sitting for the "baby bar" exam in California (First Year Law Student Exam).
October 2004
I spent nearly the entire month in Alaska with Maxine doing my baby bar "boot camp" study session - three weeks of 12 hours a day, 7 days a week intensive review of torts, contracts and criminal law. I did get to see some old friends and wives: Jerome came over for dinner. I had dinner at the Food Factory with Becki. I even ran into Dave Totten, C.J., and Becki's aunt and uncle at the SIlver Spur. As the end of the month approached I returned to Scottsdale and then off I went to L.A. to take (and pass) the baby bar. I had recently moved back in with Nikki after a few months of being seperated. I had no concept of the past or the future at that point in time. My world was the baby bar. I did harbor hope that a year later I would have passed the exam of course.
October 2005
I was working at Phillips & Asociates in the personal injury litigation department. Nikki and I had moved into my condo in Arrowhead and I was spending a lot of time doing military simulation combat games (live action - not board games or video games. Real GI Joe shit!). Of course law school was progressing. I had passed the baby bar a year prior. I wasn't thinking about the future because I was actually content in my then existence.
October 2006
Nikki and I were still in the condo but I was beginning to question the relationship. She wanted marriage and I wasn't sure she would survive the bar exam beginning to appear on the horizon. I had escaped from Phillips & Associates and was working again where I am now. I had been to every national large scale military simulation event since the prior year and had met Valkyire at one such event that month. We would later spend a week together and that week would serve as context for a lot of changes that I would make in my life in the following years. Suffice it to say I had serious doubts that Nikki and I would be together a year later, as did she.
October 2007
Nikki and I were married but the lack of trust between both of us had already began to cut away at the already faulty foundation. We had moved out of Maxine's condo and my nephew Gavin was living with us for a year. I was in my last year of law school and the bar exam was coming. Margaritaville Glendale had opened and I spent some time taste testing those frozen concoctions that help me hang on. I had re-joined the Civil Air Patrol and was working with cadets. I didn't think about the fact that a year later I would be waiting for results of the bar exam.
October 2008
I was going to say I never saw it coming. But in revisiting the past six years I have to say I am not surprised that Nikki and I are no longer together. I am preparing the divorce documents and will be filing next month. Its civil and we have both acknowledged our respective contributions to the demise. I live with 3 male roommates in Peoria - that I never saw coming. I met someone a little more than a month ago and we really fit together. There are now 30 days until I find out the results of the bar exam. We are having a keg of Rock Bottom's finest and 100 or so of our closest friends over this coming Saturday.
October 2009
A year from now....
I would suggest that Daun and I will be thinking about, maybe talking about, a beach and a sunset and drinks at Coasters. Its likely I will be sworn in as an attorney. Holy freaking shit!!!! Sorry, its still a little wow for me. I don't know for sure what the future holds but I do know that it just keeps getting better and better, even if sometimes, in the middle of the turmoil, it seems like nothing is going right.
A year ago I would have been shocked to see where I am now. But I don't want to be anywhere else.
I would cryptically mark these passages with the phrase "a year ago a year from now" so that decades later when I revisited the journal I would be able to connect the dots of my life.
It's amazing that by taking a step back and looking at your life from the big picture perspective you can hear the melody and harmony of the music you make. When you are in the day to day moments all you seem to notice is the deep thumping of the drums and bass.
Of course I had neither the time or inclination to journal or blog for most of my law school "career." Not like now.
What follows are point in time snapshots of where I was, what I was doing, and who I was doing it with, with my then guess of where I would be a year later.
October 2002
I was managing (read: playing) three hotels in Estes Park Colorado. I was married to Gloria. I believe I thought I would be doing the same thing with the same people a year later, but law school was beginning to haunt my dreams.
October 2003
I was working in a very small solo law practice helping to close down the Scottsdale practice in anticipation of the firm moving to Tucson. I filed for divorce from Gloria that month. I was living with Nikki and her daughter Hailee and my parents had come to visit from Mexico. I was then four months into 1L (the first year of law school) and drank way too much beer at the Grapevine (karaoke bar). I knew that a year later I would be sitting for the "baby bar" exam in California (First Year Law Student Exam).
October 2004
I spent nearly the entire month in Alaska with Maxine doing my baby bar "boot camp" study session - three weeks of 12 hours a day, 7 days a week intensive review of torts, contracts and criminal law. I did get to see some old friends and wives: Jerome came over for dinner. I had dinner at the Food Factory with Becki. I even ran into Dave Totten, C.J., and Becki's aunt and uncle at the SIlver Spur. As the end of the month approached I returned to Scottsdale and then off I went to L.A. to take (and pass) the baby bar. I had recently moved back in with Nikki after a few months of being seperated. I had no concept of the past or the future at that point in time. My world was the baby bar. I did harbor hope that a year later I would have passed the exam of course.
October 2005
I was working at Phillips & Asociates in the personal injury litigation department. Nikki and I had moved into my condo in Arrowhead and I was spending a lot of time doing military simulation combat games (live action - not board games or video games. Real GI Joe shit!). Of course law school was progressing. I had passed the baby bar a year prior. I wasn't thinking about the future because I was actually content in my then existence.
October 2006
Nikki and I were still in the condo but I was beginning to question the relationship. She wanted marriage and I wasn't sure she would survive the bar exam beginning to appear on the horizon. I had escaped from Phillips & Associates and was working again where I am now. I had been to every national large scale military simulation event since the prior year and had met Valkyire at one such event that month. We would later spend a week together and that week would serve as context for a lot of changes that I would make in my life in the following years. Suffice it to say I had serious doubts that Nikki and I would be together a year later, as did she.
October 2007
Nikki and I were married but the lack of trust between both of us had already began to cut away at the already faulty foundation. We had moved out of Maxine's condo and my nephew Gavin was living with us for a year. I was in my last year of law school and the bar exam was coming. Margaritaville Glendale had opened and I spent some time taste testing those frozen concoctions that help me hang on. I had re-joined the Civil Air Patrol and was working with cadets. I didn't think about the fact that a year later I would be waiting for results of the bar exam.
October 2008
I was going to say I never saw it coming. But in revisiting the past six years I have to say I am not surprised that Nikki and I are no longer together. I am preparing the divorce documents and will be filing next month. Its civil and we have both acknowledged our respective contributions to the demise. I live with 3 male roommates in Peoria - that I never saw coming. I met someone a little more than a month ago and we really fit together. There are now 30 days until I find out the results of the bar exam. We are having a keg of Rock Bottom's finest and 100 or so of our closest friends over this coming Saturday.
October 2009
A year from now....
I would suggest that Daun and I will be thinking about, maybe talking about, a beach and a sunset and drinks at Coasters. Its likely I will be sworn in as an attorney. Holy freaking shit!!!! Sorry, its still a little wow for me. I don't know for sure what the future holds but I do know that it just keeps getting better and better, even if sometimes, in the middle of the turmoil, it seems like nothing is going right.
A year ago I would have been shocked to see where I am now. But I don't want to be anywhere else.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Etiquette For Bar Exam Results
Most of you already know that Bar Exam Results are due out in 31 days from today (November 21, 2008 at 6:00 p.m.).
I am continuing to try to not think about that day, but I am beginning to have dreams about results and people are increasingly asking questions about how I did.
I thought rather than ignore the 800 pound gorilla in the room I would explain the etiquette, process, and subsequent consequences of my bar exam results - regardless of what they are.
First, and please take a moment to truly understand this statement, this is MY bar exam. No one else's. There are many like it, but this one is mine. I choose to share it with you, but there are terms and boundaries that must be observed.
The most difficult question is "What if you don't pass the bar exam?" I will answer that question first.
I work as a law clerk in a law firm and I have been here for several years now. I am not looking for any other work and my continued employment is not conditioned on me passing the bar exam or having a license to practice law. So my employment remains the same whether I pass or not. I love my firm and the freedom it gives me. I am not going anywhere.
Being unsuccessful on a bar exam does not mean the applicant is stupid, incapable or a failure. All it means is the applicant did not score enough points to pass - 1440 points for the California Bar Exam. The three distinct components are weighted differently and scaled by some abscure calculus that I can't understand.
So in the event that my points are not at least 1440, I will be provided with my answers and have the opportunity to review them and identify where I missed points. I can then begin the process of studying and preparing for the California Bar Exam given in late February of 2009.
I will still be the same me, working in the same firm, doing the same things - with the added bonus of a streamlined bar preparation program. (I still have all my lectures, outlines, practice exams, etc., from bar review).
I am not going to begin studying before bar results come out like some people do. I would have a full 12 weeks of preparation time after results day, which is more time than the BarBri course provides.
My life, my work, my friends and family, my path in life, my volunteer activities, and my goals all remain constant regardless of how many points I scored on the July 2008 California Bar Exam.
"How do you find out the results?"
According to the State Bar of California website [ www.calbar.org ] the results will be available to applicants who took the July 2008 bar exam on November 21, 2008, at 6:00 p.m. Empirically speaking however, the link won't be active until some time after 6:00 p.m. Sometimes several hours later. Also, letters will be mailed that day to applicants. The following Monday the pass list will be made availabe to the public.
I have two sets of identification numbers that I will enter online and find out if I appear on the pass list. More about this in a moment.
"You must be going crazy waiting to find out?"
You think? No fucking shit sherlock.
"How do you think you did?"
I don't think in those terms. As I have stated in my previous blogs about the bar exam, I went in that room and was not beaten by the exam. Not even the earthquake shook me up. But this question in particular makes me go fucking crazy.
OK, so here is the etiquette:
1. It is not appropriate to ask me how I did once results come out. I will make an announcement here on my myspace page and via a blog entry when I am ready to. I might not be ready to for a few days after I get results regardless of the result. Please respect my privacy and allow me to process this emotional time on my own terms. If you can't wait, remember you can access the pass list yourself on Monday, November 24.
2. Not passing the bar exam does not mean I am going to change. Sure, it will be an emotionally charged experience, but only because it means I have to take that damn exam again and I really prefer not to do that. I will not think of myself as a failure however, and neither should you.
3. Passing the bar does not mean I am going to change. My life will remain essientially just how it is, with the exception that I know I won't have to take that bar exam again and there is going to be one big ass fucking party.
Unlike my bar review period last summer, please keep in touch between now and R Day (Results Day). I appreciate all the support from everyone and even the smallest of comments has helped.
Regardless of the how things turn out on R Day, there is someone special who will be getting the first phone call, presuming she isn't there when I actually get the strength to click "Submit" on the State Bar website.
A little over a month ago I met Daun at a Combat Dining In out at Luke Air Force Base. We are both going through a divorce and things just clicked for us from the beginning. The universe has a way of timing things and although Daun and I have been in several "near misses" in the past few years when we were brought together it was apparent to both of us that there was a reason for it.
The stress and anxiety of R Day is greatly diminshed for me because I know she is there and the two possible outcomes of R Day are both enhanced by her presence in my life.
Now all I have to do is get to R Day......
I am continuing to try to not think about that day, but I am beginning to have dreams about results and people are increasingly asking questions about how I did.
I thought rather than ignore the 800 pound gorilla in the room I would explain the etiquette, process, and subsequent consequences of my bar exam results - regardless of what they are.
First, and please take a moment to truly understand this statement, this is MY bar exam. No one else's. There are many like it, but this one is mine. I choose to share it with you, but there are terms and boundaries that must be observed.
The most difficult question is "What if you don't pass the bar exam?" I will answer that question first.
I work as a law clerk in a law firm and I have been here for several years now. I am not looking for any other work and my continued employment is not conditioned on me passing the bar exam or having a license to practice law. So my employment remains the same whether I pass or not. I love my firm and the freedom it gives me. I am not going anywhere.
Being unsuccessful on a bar exam does not mean the applicant is stupid, incapable or a failure. All it means is the applicant did not score enough points to pass - 1440 points for the California Bar Exam. The three distinct components are weighted differently and scaled by some abscure calculus that I can't understand.
So in the event that my points are not at least 1440, I will be provided with my answers and have the opportunity to review them and identify where I missed points. I can then begin the process of studying and preparing for the California Bar Exam given in late February of 2009.
I will still be the same me, working in the same firm, doing the same things - with the added bonus of a streamlined bar preparation program. (I still have all my lectures, outlines, practice exams, etc., from bar review).
I am not going to begin studying before bar results come out like some people do. I would have a full 12 weeks of preparation time after results day, which is more time than the BarBri course provides.
My life, my work, my friends and family, my path in life, my volunteer activities, and my goals all remain constant regardless of how many points I scored on the July 2008 California Bar Exam.
"How do you find out the results?"
According to the State Bar of California website [ www.calbar.org ] the results will be available to applicants who took the July 2008 bar exam on November 21, 2008, at 6:00 p.m. Empirically speaking however, the link won't be active until some time after 6:00 p.m. Sometimes several hours later. Also, letters will be mailed that day to applicants. The following Monday the pass list will be made availabe to the public.
I have two sets of identification numbers that I will enter online and find out if I appear on the pass list. More about this in a moment.
"You must be going crazy waiting to find out?"
You think? No fucking shit sherlock.
"How do you think you did?"
I don't think in those terms. As I have stated in my previous blogs about the bar exam, I went in that room and was not beaten by the exam. Not even the earthquake shook me up. But this question in particular makes me go fucking crazy.
OK, so here is the etiquette:
1. It is not appropriate to ask me how I did once results come out. I will make an announcement here on my myspace page and via a blog entry when I am ready to. I might not be ready to for a few days after I get results regardless of the result. Please respect my privacy and allow me to process this emotional time on my own terms. If you can't wait, remember you can access the pass list yourself on Monday, November 24.
2. Not passing the bar exam does not mean I am going to change. Sure, it will be an emotionally charged experience, but only because it means I have to take that damn exam again and I really prefer not to do that. I will not think of myself as a failure however, and neither should you.
3. Passing the bar does not mean I am going to change. My life will remain essientially just how it is, with the exception that I know I won't have to take that bar exam again and there is going to be one big ass fucking party.
Unlike my bar review period last summer, please keep in touch between now and R Day (Results Day). I appreciate all the support from everyone and even the smallest of comments has helped.
Regardless of the how things turn out on R Day, there is someone special who will be getting the first phone call, presuming she isn't there when I actually get the strength to click "Submit" on the State Bar website.
A little over a month ago I met Daun at a Combat Dining In out at Luke Air Force Base. We are both going through a divorce and things just clicked for us from the beginning. The universe has a way of timing things and although Daun and I have been in several "near misses" in the past few years when we were brought together it was apparent to both of us that there was a reason for it.
The stress and anxiety of R Day is greatly diminshed for me because I know she is there and the two possible outcomes of R Day are both enhanced by her presence in my life.
Now all I have to do is get to R Day......
Monday, October 6, 2008
How to Eat an Elephant - Part 4: Check Please!
And now the final chapter in my discussion about Bar Exam 2008.
Sometime back I promised to point out the positive things about bar review. Looking back at my blogs its easy to think it was all bad, but there were several people that stepped forward and, without any obligation to do so, gave of themselves to help me keep it together and make it through.
I want to say thank you.
My Aunt Maxine has always driven me - sometimes to the point of anger and resentment. She always saw my potential and never accepted my half-assed performace as good enough. When nearly everyone else said I should aim lower so I am not so disappointed when I miss, Maxine always insisted I aim as high as my imagination would allow me to. When everyone else wrote me off, she stayed supportive and never let me quit.
Without Maxine I would never have even started law school. I left a comfortable existence to begin this journey: playng hotel and running a very successful business was satisfying and I had more than enough. I closed those doors and moved to Arizona and tried to not look back.
Maxine provided the financial assistance I needed to transition from Hotel Manager/Business Owner to broke but eager law student. Without her I would not be where I am today. She has given so much of herself to so many people that the only way I can show my gratitude is to pay it forward.
It is her generosity that has forged my belief in giving back to the community I live in. My practice will always have room for another pro bono case and I never tire of reaching out to someone who is reaching back. Thank you Maxine.
My son's mom, Erin, doesn't have many reasons to be supportive of me. In fact, she has plenty of reasons to not be so supportive. Several times during bar review Erin somehow sensed my readiness to give up and never failed to call me on it. Erin reminded me of conversations we had in the past about my dream to become a lawyer and that the biggest reason I had to succeed - my son - was cheering me on. Thank you Erin.
Ashley somehow managed to place a hedge around me and made it so I could focus more on bar review and less on the office. Those extra hours of focus often turned out to be the most important. I was able to keep working while I lived and breathed bar review only because of her insight and protection. It may not seem like much, but without it I would not have made it through. Thank you Ashley.
I found myself slipping and stressed as the bar exam got closer. Corbie created an environment of calm and harmony that kept me focused those last few weeks. I never had to think about meals, laundry, or anything other than studying. Thank you Corbie.
When I left for the bar exam I was met at the airport by Cami. We went to dinner and talked about anything that was not bar exam related. She dragged me out to watch the fireworks and stayed with me until I was ready to sleep. I easily could have lost focus and freaked right out that night before the bar exam but with Cami there I never even thought about the three days that were to come. Thank you Cami.
Following the bar exam Speedy and Clutch retreived my weary soul and took me to a rather nice watering hole enroute to the airport. We celebrated Wardog style. There is something about the vision of a friend as you emerge from a struggle that makes everything OK. I found that day I have many such friends. My coin was a constant reminder that I have teeth and I don't freakin let go. Thank you to my Wardogs.
Most importantly, without my son I would never have acknowledged my dreams. I would never have fought this battle. Without Owen none of this would have been worth anything. I would have drifted through life as I always did, content in my mediocre existence. There is simply no price that I would not pay to put a smile on his face and make him proud. For giving me life again, thank you Owen.
There are so many other people that gave their time and love to me through law school and the bar exam. Ronda, Rita, Frank and Adam, my cadets, Mad Max, my Mom and Sister, Danny, Paul & Shawna, Kelly (RIP), and so many others.
According to the State Bar of California's website there are now 46 days until bar exam results are released. No matter what the results are, taking the California Bar Exam has been a rewarding experience that has shown me the true value of friendship, love and loyalty. Because of these people I went to war with not only the dragon of the bar exam, but also my own personal demons. Those demons are dead and gone and I look forward to the "Better Days."
My friends and family, con todo mi ser, thank you.
Sometime back I promised to point out the positive things about bar review. Looking back at my blogs its easy to think it was all bad, but there were several people that stepped forward and, without any obligation to do so, gave of themselves to help me keep it together and make it through.
I want to say thank you.
My Aunt Maxine has always driven me - sometimes to the point of anger and resentment. She always saw my potential and never accepted my half-assed performace as good enough. When nearly everyone else said I should aim lower so I am not so disappointed when I miss, Maxine always insisted I aim as high as my imagination would allow me to. When everyone else wrote me off, she stayed supportive and never let me quit.
Without Maxine I would never have even started law school. I left a comfortable existence to begin this journey: playng hotel and running a very successful business was satisfying and I had more than enough. I closed those doors and moved to Arizona and tried to not look back.
Maxine provided the financial assistance I needed to transition from Hotel Manager/Business Owner to broke but eager law student. Without her I would not be where I am today. She has given so much of herself to so many people that the only way I can show my gratitude is to pay it forward.
It is her generosity that has forged my belief in giving back to the community I live in. My practice will always have room for another pro bono case and I never tire of reaching out to someone who is reaching back. Thank you Maxine.
My son's mom, Erin, doesn't have many reasons to be supportive of me. In fact, she has plenty of reasons to not be so supportive. Several times during bar review Erin somehow sensed my readiness to give up and never failed to call me on it. Erin reminded me of conversations we had in the past about my dream to become a lawyer and that the biggest reason I had to succeed - my son - was cheering me on. Thank you Erin.
Ashley somehow managed to place a hedge around me and made it so I could focus more on bar review and less on the office. Those extra hours of focus often turned out to be the most important. I was able to keep working while I lived and breathed bar review only because of her insight and protection. It may not seem like much, but without it I would not have made it through. Thank you Ashley.
I found myself slipping and stressed as the bar exam got closer. Corbie created an environment of calm and harmony that kept me focused those last few weeks. I never had to think about meals, laundry, or anything other than studying. Thank you Corbie.
When I left for the bar exam I was met at the airport by Cami. We went to dinner and talked about anything that was not bar exam related. She dragged me out to watch the fireworks and stayed with me until I was ready to sleep. I easily could have lost focus and freaked right out that night before the bar exam but with Cami there I never even thought about the three days that were to come. Thank you Cami.
Following the bar exam Speedy and Clutch retreived my weary soul and took me to a rather nice watering hole enroute to the airport. We celebrated Wardog style. There is something about the vision of a friend as you emerge from a struggle that makes everything OK. I found that day I have many such friends. My coin was a constant reminder that I have teeth and I don't freakin let go. Thank you to my Wardogs.
Most importantly, without my son I would never have acknowledged my dreams. I would never have fought this battle. Without Owen none of this would have been worth anything. I would have drifted through life as I always did, content in my mediocre existence. There is simply no price that I would not pay to put a smile on his face and make him proud. For giving me life again, thank you Owen.
There are so many other people that gave their time and love to me through law school and the bar exam. Ronda, Rita, Frank and Adam, my cadets, Mad Max, my Mom and Sister, Danny, Paul & Shawna, Kelly (RIP), and so many others.
According to the State Bar of California's website there are now 46 days until bar exam results are released. No matter what the results are, taking the California Bar Exam has been a rewarding experience that has shown me the true value of friendship, love and loyalty. Because of these people I went to war with not only the dragon of the bar exam, but also my own personal demons. Those demons are dead and gone and I look forward to the "Better Days."
My friends and family, con todo mi ser, thank you.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
How to Eat an Elephant - Part 3: We Don't Talk About The Elephant
A gentle reminder to everyone - PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT THE BAR EXAM.
I stated previously that results will not be out until November 21. Yes, its a really long fucking time to wait. Why would you think I am not aware of that?
Coffee Girl at Starbucks - I swear to bhudda if she fucking asks me about the bar exam one more time I'm going to punch her in the tit. And for the last time its not a fucking test !!!!! Its name is the California Bar EXAM. Unless you have taken it, you shouldn't try to talk about it. You might end up being wrong.
Seriously though, I will let everyone know when I am ready after results come out and that doesn't mean that day.
For now, understand that my response will be a simple and direct "Fuck You" to anyone who continues to ask about it.
Its difficult to wait but its comforting to know that nothing will change the results - what's done is done. When I closed that last bluebook (actually it was yellow or canary or fucking pink or some gayass color) the results of my exam were set in ink.
While the bar graders now read and tally the points that decide who will get a license this time around I can only sit here and try to recall the whole year. If I could only run into a chum with a bottle of rum we could wind up drinking all night.
And although I seem to be changing my longitude more than I am changing my latitude, my attitudes are certainly more tropical these days.
I stated previously that results will not be out until November 21. Yes, its a really long fucking time to wait. Why would you think I am not aware of that?
Coffee Girl at Starbucks - I swear to bhudda if she fucking asks me about the bar exam one more time I'm going to punch her in the tit. And for the last time its not a fucking test !!!!! Its name is the California Bar EXAM. Unless you have taken it, you shouldn't try to talk about it. You might end up being wrong.
Seriously though, I will let everyone know when I am ready after results come out and that doesn't mean that day.
For now, understand that my response will be a simple and direct "Fuck You" to anyone who continues to ask about it.
Its difficult to wait but its comforting to know that nothing will change the results - what's done is done. When I closed that last bluebook (actually it was yellow or canary or fucking pink or some gayass color) the results of my exam were set in ink.
While the bar graders now read and tally the points that decide who will get a license this time around I can only sit here and try to recall the whole year. If I could only run into a chum with a bottle of rum we could wind up drinking all night.
And although I seem to be changing my longitude more than I am changing my latitude, my attitudes are certainly more tropical these days.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
How to Eat an Elephant - Part 2: It Tastes Like Shit!
A great many years ago I heard a phrase that has pissed me off pretty much ever since. It goes like this:
The greater the dream – the greater the struggle – the greater the prize.
If it's true then that fucking sucks. I'm finding it to be true.
The farthest back memory I have of wanting to quit something – just give up because I really did not want to struggle anymore, was in Jump School. For those who don't know, Jump School is a 3 week school where you learn how to jump out of military aircraft, conducted under the auspices of the U.S. Army Airborne School. Those that pass either go on to some POG job and never see a T-10 again or they go on to become a Paratrooper. A Paratrooper is a soldier that jumps out of a noisy hot ass puke smelling C-130 into hostile territory (and the DZ's at Bragg are hostile even though its still within the boundaries of the US) with several hundred pounds of shit that isn't going to work strapped to their body. You hit the ground damn hard and roll it off with a dynamic PLF and say to yourself I'm the SHIT because I just did that shit.
Why would anyone want to quit Jump School ? I honestly don't even remember what it was about it that made me want to ring the bell, but I know there was something. Anyway, I kept telling myself "it just doesn't matter … it just doesn't matter" and singing cadence in my head, "Eighty Second … patch on my shoulder" and for kicks "down in the jungle where the coconuts grow." Somehow I found a place inside that said FUCK you fucking fuck I aint gonna quit this shit so bring it on BITCH!!
Can you feel me ?
When my high school friend Joe Adams walked up to me on graduation day (I had no idea he would be there) and slammed those silver jump wings into my chest I cried. Sure, it fucking hurt and my BDU's were ruined from the blood. That's not why I cried. It was my very first taste of real victory after a struggle where I did not want to keep going but I did it anyway.
That taste was bittersweet but every time I had my knees in the breeze after that I knew that I had done something that I can be proud of and that NO ONE could ever take away from me. I'm a fucking Paratrooper and that means I can do shit you would piss yourself if you had to do it. (No offense intended – just read my fucking story and STFU).
Seriously, please don't be offended. It's a cultural thing, and its part of the prize of completing Jump School – you get to do something not many people get to do. And skydiving does NOT a paratrooper make, but that's another blog.
The next thing in my life that I remember really wanting to quit (that I am willing to talk about anyway) was sailing that little 24 foot sloop from San Francisco to Mazatlan.
BT and I had been talking some serious shit about leaving as the storm season approached the Bay Area. Finally we got drunk enough - or sober enough, take your pick – to cut the docklines and head out the Gate.
Who the fuck decided that was Fleet Week anyway? We get into some nice reach right through the middle of the Golden Gate Bridge and the next thing I know the entire Pacific Fleet of the U.S. Navy (read – BIG fucking boats) was everywhere.
We made it out and every day we left shore it got easier and easier. I pretended that Point Conception was not getting any closer with each leg of the trip.
Well we got to Point Conception mid-afternoon on whatever day of whatever month that was and holyfuckingshit….. I think there were no less than 7 law of physics that were broken by the sea that day. It was big steep slam my poor boat into the dirt waves and I was a little freaked out. OK – I was scared a lot. I thought about turning around because I heard there were days people motored past the Point on a sea of glass and how wonderful that would be about right now.
Well we decided to keep going anyway. I called my position to the Coast Guard and somehow we made it to Cojo Anchorage just around the point. We set anchor in 5 foot swells and paid homage to Willie and Bob and Jimmy (all three of them) and played some buffet. A song came on that was branded into my soul. You likely won't know it, its called "Treat Her Like a Lady." And it was every thing that my heart was screaming to say at that moment. If you really want to know why finish reading my blog and Google the song.
The point is, after more than three months, BT and I had somehow navigated this little 24 foot flush deck sloop from San Francisco to San Diego. We found a big ass cheeseburger and reflected on the HOLY FUCK we did it! There were storms and squalls and I was broke the entire time. I wouldn't change a thing.
What do you care right ? It's important to realize that the day I dropped anchor in San Diego I grew up. Well, I STARTED to grow up. I had some demon to slay yet, and more trouble to find, but I slammed on the breaks and slid for a few years into adulthood.
Fast forward to 2008. The year I took the California Bar Exam. (There may be some airing of dirty laundry in what follows)
After the Baby Bar school went along fairly smoothly. Bar Review was starting in a few months and my wife was going to take care of everything so I could focus on the bar exam.
Except somewhere along the way we had a serious difference of opinion about the expectations and contributions of her tweenage daughter. So bad it seems that I wasn't wanted in the home anymore. I excused myself and rented a room across town and bar review began. There was some pretending that the problem would be fixed but we both knew it wasn't going to be. I'll own my share of the fault, whatever portion that may be. The point is, she decided to move to another State.
Then after I moved out her car got stolen or repossessed or whatever happened. They did find it, or give it back or whatever.
Around this time I noticed it was getting hotter outside and my car air conditioner wasn't working to good. In fact it didn't work at all. I live on the surface of the sun – AKA Phoenix. FUCK!!!
Next, my step father dies. Although I wasn't all that close to him I still need to be there for my family.
Next, she actually moved to Texas.
Next, we have that conversation – the one where I say leave me alone so I can get through the fucking bar exam without anymore drama or trauma.
That conversation leads to "yep – we are done."
With me so far?
Next, my air conditioner still doesn't work and its fucking HOT. I'm spending 7 days a week in my office studying and working and studying and driving in this heat.
Next, I start to have panic attacks about the bar. I don't know enough law. I don't know how to write. I don't know this, or that, or why did I go to law school anyway. It would be so much easier and peaceful to just give up. Lots of people graduate from law school and never take the bar right ?
Next, my power steering is leaking by the gallon because there is a hole in the hose. Hot and hard to handle.
Next, she gets in a car accident and lets me know while I am in the final stages of bar review.
Did I mention that bar review has made me so broke that I can't afford to fix the air conditioner in my car ?
Then something changes. I'm still a mess inside, but I'm at peace. Someone takes care of all the little things and all I have to do is focus and study. (More about all the PEOPLE who are important to my bar success in a later installment of this blog – I'm focusing on the bad shit right now and don't want to mix it up with the good stuff - thats next).
In the end, there were so many times I wanted to quit. I even said "I quit." I was frustrated and just didn't want to do it anymore.
I kept sailing.
I kept running to Georgia just like this.
I stood in the door and jumped into the open sky knowing I had struggled enough and it was time to get it on.
That fucking elephant tasted like SHIT! But I ate that fucking thing. All of it.
It started with a dream that I could be a lawyer – I could help people and really make a measurable difference in another human being's life.
The struggle was well, you read about a small part of it. I lost a lot of things. I had no life. It sucked in ways you wouldn't believe.
The prize. I took that bar – it did not take me. Whatever the results are. I've done enough, and if I fail well then I fail but not to me. I went into that room for three days and fought that monster every minute of time I was given. I stabbed and sliced and I can say FUCK YOU I can do it you BITCH!!!
I quietly slammed my bag of pens into the trash can on my way out of the room and knew that I won that war no matter what the points are in the end. I won that war because I know I won't ever quit. I won't give up. I will stab that motherfucker until it gives in to ME.
As Dylan Thomas said so many years ago …. "Do NOT go gentle into that good night…"
RAGE
RAGE
Because if you don't quit you will win.
I am many things, but I don't tap out like a bitch when it gets painful. I am not broken.
So it's not about the results in November. Its about the fact that I know the struggle has been worth every heart wrenching moment along the way.
To be continued….
The greater the dream – the greater the struggle – the greater the prize.
If it's true then that fucking sucks. I'm finding it to be true.
The farthest back memory I have of wanting to quit something – just give up because I really did not want to struggle anymore, was in Jump School. For those who don't know, Jump School is a 3 week school where you learn how to jump out of military aircraft, conducted under the auspices of the U.S. Army Airborne School. Those that pass either go on to some POG job and never see a T-10 again or they go on to become a Paratrooper. A Paratrooper is a soldier that jumps out of a noisy hot ass puke smelling C-130 into hostile territory (and the DZ's at Bragg are hostile even though its still within the boundaries of the US) with several hundred pounds of shit that isn't going to work strapped to their body. You hit the ground damn hard and roll it off with a dynamic PLF and say to yourself I'm the SHIT because I just did that shit.
Why would anyone want to quit Jump School ? I honestly don't even remember what it was about it that made me want to ring the bell, but I know there was something. Anyway, I kept telling myself "it just doesn't matter … it just doesn't matter" and singing cadence in my head, "Eighty Second … patch on my shoulder" and for kicks "down in the jungle where the coconuts grow." Somehow I found a place inside that said FUCK you fucking fuck I aint gonna quit this shit so bring it on BITCH!!
Can you feel me ?
When my high school friend Joe Adams walked up to me on graduation day (I had no idea he would be there) and slammed those silver jump wings into my chest I cried. Sure, it fucking hurt and my BDU's were ruined from the blood. That's not why I cried. It was my very first taste of real victory after a struggle where I did not want to keep going but I did it anyway.
That taste was bittersweet but every time I had my knees in the breeze after that I knew that I had done something that I can be proud of and that NO ONE could ever take away from me. I'm a fucking Paratrooper and that means I can do shit you would piss yourself if you had to do it. (No offense intended – just read my fucking story and STFU).
Seriously, please don't be offended. It's a cultural thing, and its part of the prize of completing Jump School – you get to do something not many people get to do. And skydiving does NOT a paratrooper make, but that's another blog.
The next thing in my life that I remember really wanting to quit (that I am willing to talk about anyway) was sailing that little 24 foot sloop from San Francisco to Mazatlan.
BT and I had been talking some serious shit about leaving as the storm season approached the Bay Area. Finally we got drunk enough - or sober enough, take your pick – to cut the docklines and head out the Gate.
Who the fuck decided that was Fleet Week anyway? We get into some nice reach right through the middle of the Golden Gate Bridge and the next thing I know the entire Pacific Fleet of the U.S. Navy (read – BIG fucking boats) was everywhere.
We made it out and every day we left shore it got easier and easier. I pretended that Point Conception was not getting any closer with each leg of the trip.
Well we got to Point Conception mid-afternoon on whatever day of whatever month that was and holyfuckingshit….. I think there were no less than 7 law of physics that were broken by the sea that day. It was big steep slam my poor boat into the dirt waves and I was a little freaked out. OK – I was scared a lot. I thought about turning around because I heard there were days people motored past the Point on a sea of glass and how wonderful that would be about right now.
Well we decided to keep going anyway. I called my position to the Coast Guard and somehow we made it to Cojo Anchorage just around the point. We set anchor in 5 foot swells and paid homage to Willie and Bob and Jimmy (all three of them) and played some buffet. A song came on that was branded into my soul. You likely won't know it, its called "Treat Her Like a Lady." And it was every thing that my heart was screaming to say at that moment. If you really want to know why finish reading my blog and Google the song.
The point is, after more than three months, BT and I had somehow navigated this little 24 foot flush deck sloop from San Francisco to San Diego. We found a big ass cheeseburger and reflected on the HOLY FUCK we did it! There were storms and squalls and I was broke the entire time. I wouldn't change a thing.
What do you care right ? It's important to realize that the day I dropped anchor in San Diego I grew up. Well, I STARTED to grow up. I had some demon to slay yet, and more trouble to find, but I slammed on the breaks and slid for a few years into adulthood.
Fast forward to 2008. The year I took the California Bar Exam. (There may be some airing of dirty laundry in what follows)
After the Baby Bar school went along fairly smoothly. Bar Review was starting in a few months and my wife was going to take care of everything so I could focus on the bar exam.
Except somewhere along the way we had a serious difference of opinion about the expectations and contributions of her tweenage daughter. So bad it seems that I wasn't wanted in the home anymore. I excused myself and rented a room across town and bar review began. There was some pretending that the problem would be fixed but we both knew it wasn't going to be. I'll own my share of the fault, whatever portion that may be. The point is, she decided to move to another State.
Then after I moved out her car got stolen or repossessed or whatever happened. They did find it, or give it back or whatever.
Around this time I noticed it was getting hotter outside and my car air conditioner wasn't working to good. In fact it didn't work at all. I live on the surface of the sun – AKA Phoenix. FUCK!!!
Next, my step father dies. Although I wasn't all that close to him I still need to be there for my family.
Next, she actually moved to Texas.
Next, we have that conversation – the one where I say leave me alone so I can get through the fucking bar exam without anymore drama or trauma.
That conversation leads to "yep – we are done."
With me so far?
Next, my air conditioner still doesn't work and its fucking HOT. I'm spending 7 days a week in my office studying and working and studying and driving in this heat.
Next, I start to have panic attacks about the bar. I don't know enough law. I don't know how to write. I don't know this, or that, or why did I go to law school anyway. It would be so much easier and peaceful to just give up. Lots of people graduate from law school and never take the bar right ?
Next, my power steering is leaking by the gallon because there is a hole in the hose. Hot and hard to handle.
Next, she gets in a car accident and lets me know while I am in the final stages of bar review.
Did I mention that bar review has made me so broke that I can't afford to fix the air conditioner in my car ?
Then something changes. I'm still a mess inside, but I'm at peace. Someone takes care of all the little things and all I have to do is focus and study. (More about all the PEOPLE who are important to my bar success in a later installment of this blog – I'm focusing on the bad shit right now and don't want to mix it up with the good stuff - thats next).
In the end, there were so many times I wanted to quit. I even said "I quit." I was frustrated and just didn't want to do it anymore.
I kept sailing.
I kept running to Georgia just like this.
I stood in the door and jumped into the open sky knowing I had struggled enough and it was time to get it on.
That fucking elephant tasted like SHIT! But I ate that fucking thing. All of it.
It started with a dream that I could be a lawyer – I could help people and really make a measurable difference in another human being's life.
The struggle was well, you read about a small part of it. I lost a lot of things. I had no life. It sucked in ways you wouldn't believe.
The prize. I took that bar – it did not take me. Whatever the results are. I've done enough, and if I fail well then I fail but not to me. I went into that room for three days and fought that monster every minute of time I was given. I stabbed and sliced and I can say FUCK YOU I can do it you BITCH!!!
I quietly slammed my bag of pens into the trash can on my way out of the room and knew that I won that war no matter what the points are in the end. I won that war because I know I won't ever quit. I won't give up. I will stab that motherfucker until it gives in to ME.
As Dylan Thomas said so many years ago …. "Do NOT go gentle into that good night…"
RAGE
RAGE
Because if you don't quit you will win.
I am many things, but I don't tap out like a bitch when it gets painful. I am not broken.
So it's not about the results in November. Its about the fact that I know the struggle has been worth every heart wrenching moment along the way.
To be continued….
Monday, August 4, 2008
How To Eat An Elephant - Part One
August 4, 2008 - Monday
Hello everyone, So many of you sent good wishes to me regarding the bar exam. Before I go on, I want to tell you how much that meant to me. It revealed to me beyond any disputation that I am a blessed man to have such wonderful people in my life who care about me.
I was told all my life that the way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time and when I started law school I was told the same thing. There were a great many hurdles to overcome before I could even get into law school. Since I never finished my undergraduate education I needed to complete a battery of college equivalency tests that established, to the satisfaction of the State Bar of California and my law school, that I had the intellectual ability of someone with a college degree.
I took these three comprehensive examinations that covered writing skills, together with a broad evaluation of the arts; history, psychology, sociology, economics, literature, anthropology, and the sciences; physics, chemistry, astronomy, biology, algebra, calculus, trigonometry. After passing these three examinations I was deemed to have the equivalent of at least 60 credit hours of undergraduate education and allowed to enroll in law school which would make me eligible to take the bar exams.
Yes, exams – plural. Since my law school was not accredited by the American Bar Association, or the State of California, I would be required to take and pass the First Year Law Student's Exam, or what we affectionately call the "Baby Bar."
The Baby Bar is a full day exam given by the California State Bar covering the first year subjects of contracts, torts, and criminal law. The exam consists of 4 essay questions completed in a 4 hour block of time in the morning, followed by 100 multiple choice questions completed in a 3 hour block of time in the afternoon. The pass rate is low – less than 30% and passing the exam is a requirement to continue in law school and ultimately take the General Bar Exam.
I passed the Baby Bar in October of 2004 and found out I had passed in December.
Preparing for the Baby Bar entailed my flying to Alaska and sequestering myself for 3 weeks and doing nothing but practice questions for 8 hours a day. This was my "Baby Bar Boot Camp" which followed a weeklong review course in Fullerton.
So at the conclusion of one year of law school I got my first glimpse of the monster. Thankfully my first strike was a fatal blow and I moved on to my second, third and fourth years of law school, trying to pretend the bar exam wasn't getting any closer.
I devoted much of my last year in law preparing myself for the bar exam, plus virtually the entire five months before I took the exam. I can safely say that this did not amount to over-preparation for the bar exam.
I had substantial assistance with my bar preparation. Many people encouraged me. A number of attorneys gave me very good advice on prepping for the exam. Certain people very generously helped make sure that I could devote my post-graduation bar prep time to studying instead of chasing money. Some of you helped me study. I was driven to the airport when I flew out to Anaheim to take the exam, picked up and delivered to my hotel, and retrieved after the last day of the exam and delivered to the airport (albeit in a rather inebriated state).
My thanks and gratitude is simply inadequate to express how much you helped me. The California bar exam, widely regarded as the longest and most difficult bar exam in the entire country, is a three day, six hours per day, challenge: not only of a candidate's knowledge, analytical ability, and skill, but also of the candidate's ability to function effectively under pressure and time constraints.
There are 2000 possible points, and to pass the exam a candidate must score at least 1440 of them. Only about half of the first-time takers pass it, and only about a third of the repeat takers. The various sections of the test are strictly timed. Through my preparation I was able to complete all the sections within the allotted time, although in virtually every case I did so with only minutes to spare. Many applicants were still frantically writing away when "time!" was called and the proctors swooped in.
I took the test at the Anaheim Convention Center – directly across from Disneyland. At approximately 8:15 a.m. on Tuesday, July 29, 2008, a thousand or so of us very dutifully lined up at the doors and presented our admission tickets to be granted entry into that basement room. My pens, earplugs, and highlighters in a clear plastic bag I found my seat and began some self relaxation exercises. Instructions were dutifully read over the center's PA system before the start of each morning and afternoon session. That voice will haunt me….
Day one's morning session had three essays. There was that damn executive powers constitutional law question Professor Fleming said would be there, along with a contracts formation question and a full professional responsibility question. I quickly decided the order I would write my answers in and poof – three hours was gone and it was done.
Oh, there was a 5.4 earthquake towards the end of the morning session. At first I thought some asshole was pushing a really big cart of chairs or tables through the convention hall – or maybe the cheerleaders upstairs were on Red Bull. But then the up and down shaking turned into a sea sickening side to side ride and everyone started screaming like bitches and diving under the tables. No offense to anyone who did that – I guess that's what you are supposed to do.
But I'm a Wardog, a Paratrooper, and fuck it all I'm not diving under any damn table to hide. Bring it on. Either way I'm going down with pen in hand writing my essay. Who knows what it all means but people are already saying there might be an "adjustment" to the scoring because of the earthquake. I'll take any points they throw at me.
Day one's afternoon session was a performance test involving writing a memo to another attorney about the tort of false imprisonment. Really that's all I remember about it. Another 3 hours poof and it was day one.
Day two was the multiple-choice question day. This involves 200 questions, 100 in each session covering criminal law, criminal procedure, contracts, constitutional law, evidence, torts, and real property. The MBE is given to law students all over the country. Due to copyright infringement by a certain bar review company the contents of the exam are now strictly deemed confidential and that's all I can say about it. Not that I remember anything anyway.
On day three, I was expecting a full evidence essay based on California law, a full civil procedure essay based on California law, and perhaps an Agency or business associations essay. Ready for the worst I turned over the questions and did my little happy dance when I saw another contracts question (this time focusing on remedies), a real property question, and a community property / wills crossover !! I literally giggled out loud and was smiling all day about the fact that there was no evidence or civil procedure as had been predicted. I was not the only applicant smiling.
I suspected a community property issue might come along and had reviewed my approaches the night before along with a few hours of evidence and civil procedure. I'm glad I didn't need it all!
Poof – 3 hours gone.
On the afternoon of day three, we had another performance test. We were the prosecuting attorney for some case involving a confession to a murder and lots of Miranda issues.
Poof 3 hours gone again… but this time everyone rose in a mixed chorus of applause, tears, and sighs of holy crap its over.I will find out the results of my bar exam in late November and will let everyone know how I did in my own time and manner. Please do not ask me about the results.
Looking back, after one eats an elephant, the bites really don't look so big anymore. But I had a lot of help and I will thank everyone in the next installment of this blog.......
Hello everyone, So many of you sent good wishes to me regarding the bar exam. Before I go on, I want to tell you how much that meant to me. It revealed to me beyond any disputation that I am a blessed man to have such wonderful people in my life who care about me.
I was told all my life that the way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time and when I started law school I was told the same thing. There were a great many hurdles to overcome before I could even get into law school. Since I never finished my undergraduate education I needed to complete a battery of college equivalency tests that established, to the satisfaction of the State Bar of California and my law school, that I had the intellectual ability of someone with a college degree.
I took these three comprehensive examinations that covered writing skills, together with a broad evaluation of the arts; history, psychology, sociology, economics, literature, anthropology, and the sciences; physics, chemistry, astronomy, biology, algebra, calculus, trigonometry. After passing these three examinations I was deemed to have the equivalent of at least 60 credit hours of undergraduate education and allowed to enroll in law school which would make me eligible to take the bar exams.
Yes, exams – plural. Since my law school was not accredited by the American Bar Association, or the State of California, I would be required to take and pass the First Year Law Student's Exam, or what we affectionately call the "Baby Bar."
The Baby Bar is a full day exam given by the California State Bar covering the first year subjects of contracts, torts, and criminal law. The exam consists of 4 essay questions completed in a 4 hour block of time in the morning, followed by 100 multiple choice questions completed in a 3 hour block of time in the afternoon. The pass rate is low – less than 30% and passing the exam is a requirement to continue in law school and ultimately take the General Bar Exam.
I passed the Baby Bar in October of 2004 and found out I had passed in December.
Preparing for the Baby Bar entailed my flying to Alaska and sequestering myself for 3 weeks and doing nothing but practice questions for 8 hours a day. This was my "Baby Bar Boot Camp" which followed a weeklong review course in Fullerton.
So at the conclusion of one year of law school I got my first glimpse of the monster. Thankfully my first strike was a fatal blow and I moved on to my second, third and fourth years of law school, trying to pretend the bar exam wasn't getting any closer.
I devoted much of my last year in law preparing myself for the bar exam, plus virtually the entire five months before I took the exam. I can safely say that this did not amount to over-preparation for the bar exam.
I had substantial assistance with my bar preparation. Many people encouraged me. A number of attorneys gave me very good advice on prepping for the exam. Certain people very generously helped make sure that I could devote my post-graduation bar prep time to studying instead of chasing money. Some of you helped me study. I was driven to the airport when I flew out to Anaheim to take the exam, picked up and delivered to my hotel, and retrieved after the last day of the exam and delivered to the airport (albeit in a rather inebriated state).
My thanks and gratitude is simply inadequate to express how much you helped me. The California bar exam, widely regarded as the longest and most difficult bar exam in the entire country, is a three day, six hours per day, challenge: not only of a candidate's knowledge, analytical ability, and skill, but also of the candidate's ability to function effectively under pressure and time constraints.
There are 2000 possible points, and to pass the exam a candidate must score at least 1440 of them. Only about half of the first-time takers pass it, and only about a third of the repeat takers. The various sections of the test are strictly timed. Through my preparation I was able to complete all the sections within the allotted time, although in virtually every case I did so with only minutes to spare. Many applicants were still frantically writing away when "time!" was called and the proctors swooped in.
I took the test at the Anaheim Convention Center – directly across from Disneyland. At approximately 8:15 a.m. on Tuesday, July 29, 2008, a thousand or so of us very dutifully lined up at the doors and presented our admission tickets to be granted entry into that basement room. My pens, earplugs, and highlighters in a clear plastic bag I found my seat and began some self relaxation exercises. Instructions were dutifully read over the center's PA system before the start of each morning and afternoon session. That voice will haunt me….
Day one's morning session had three essays. There was that damn executive powers constitutional law question Professor Fleming said would be there, along with a contracts formation question and a full professional responsibility question. I quickly decided the order I would write my answers in and poof – three hours was gone and it was done.
Oh, there was a 5.4 earthquake towards the end of the morning session. At first I thought some asshole was pushing a really big cart of chairs or tables through the convention hall – or maybe the cheerleaders upstairs were on Red Bull. But then the up and down shaking turned into a sea sickening side to side ride and everyone started screaming like bitches and diving under the tables. No offense to anyone who did that – I guess that's what you are supposed to do.
But I'm a Wardog, a Paratrooper, and fuck it all I'm not diving under any damn table to hide. Bring it on. Either way I'm going down with pen in hand writing my essay. Who knows what it all means but people are already saying there might be an "adjustment" to the scoring because of the earthquake. I'll take any points they throw at me.
Day one's afternoon session was a performance test involving writing a memo to another attorney about the tort of false imprisonment. Really that's all I remember about it. Another 3 hours poof and it was day one.
Day two was the multiple-choice question day. This involves 200 questions, 100 in each session covering criminal law, criminal procedure, contracts, constitutional law, evidence, torts, and real property. The MBE is given to law students all over the country. Due to copyright infringement by a certain bar review company the contents of the exam are now strictly deemed confidential and that's all I can say about it. Not that I remember anything anyway.
On day three, I was expecting a full evidence essay based on California law, a full civil procedure essay based on California law, and perhaps an Agency or business associations essay. Ready for the worst I turned over the questions and did my little happy dance when I saw another contracts question (this time focusing on remedies), a real property question, and a community property / wills crossover !! I literally giggled out loud and was smiling all day about the fact that there was no evidence or civil procedure as had been predicted. I was not the only applicant smiling.
I suspected a community property issue might come along and had reviewed my approaches the night before along with a few hours of evidence and civil procedure. I'm glad I didn't need it all!
Poof – 3 hours gone.
On the afternoon of day three, we had another performance test. We were the prosecuting attorney for some case involving a confession to a murder and lots of Miranda issues.
Poof 3 hours gone again… but this time everyone rose in a mixed chorus of applause, tears, and sighs of holy crap its over.I will find out the results of my bar exam in late November and will let everyone know how I did in my own time and manner. Please do not ask me about the results.
Looking back, after one eats an elephant, the bites really don't look so big anymore. But I had a lot of help and I will thank everyone in the next installment of this blog.......
Monday, July 21, 2008
If You're Happy And You Know It
July 21, 2008 - Monday
It is now one week until the California Bar Exam and although the big light bulb over my head hasn't yet blessed me with its artificial glow, I'm within days of basking in the wow ( note - NOT WoW).
There have been moments, days of no sun, moments of moments where I questioned whether I truly madly deeply wanted to do this damn exam. And then it rained. And then it stormed. Wait a minute....
Although there is much work to do still in this final week of preparation I am happy. Wait five minutes....
When you think about it, among all of the people in the world not very many get the opportunity to take a bar exam. There are a great many things a lot of people don't have an opportunity to do. I think back to a small LA sushi bar and five minutes of blissful silence. Those five minutes were a lifetime of mixed emotions and uncertainty, passion and fear, discovery and disclosure, and I was alive with all of it.
But then comes the prize. Of course I must wait much more than five minutes to learn of the results of my taking the California Bar Exam a week from now. I won't have the "pleasure" of looking for my name on an emotionless computer screen until late November. (Hint - STFU about how I did until I bring it up in December)
But I have decided that I'm in this for the whole experience. Its truly a privilige that I (ME! can you believe this shit ?!?) am taking the most demanding bar exam in the country very soon and that makes me very happy.
Or maybe its all the coffee... who really knows.
So hold on for a couple of weeks and I'll be pretty much back. Of course I'll have a four month wait to get results, and that might make me a little tense from time to time.
But then I'll remember those five minutes when the world stopped just for me.
I think its more about the five minutes we get in life than it is about what happens after....
Don't misunderstand, I still want what comes after.... but right now,
... clap clap .....
It is now one week until the California Bar Exam and although the big light bulb over my head hasn't yet blessed me with its artificial glow, I'm within days of basking in the wow ( note - NOT WoW).
There have been moments, days of no sun, moments of moments where I questioned whether I truly madly deeply wanted to do this damn exam. And then it rained. And then it stormed. Wait a minute....
Although there is much work to do still in this final week of preparation I am happy. Wait five minutes....
When you think about it, among all of the people in the world not very many get the opportunity to take a bar exam. There are a great many things a lot of people don't have an opportunity to do. I think back to a small LA sushi bar and five minutes of blissful silence. Those five minutes were a lifetime of mixed emotions and uncertainty, passion and fear, discovery and disclosure, and I was alive with all of it.
But then comes the prize. Of course I must wait much more than five minutes to learn of the results of my taking the California Bar Exam a week from now. I won't have the "pleasure" of looking for my name on an emotionless computer screen until late November. (Hint - STFU about how I did until I bring it up in December)
But I have decided that I'm in this for the whole experience. Its truly a privilige that I (ME! can you believe this shit ?!?) am taking the most demanding bar exam in the country very soon and that makes me very happy.
Or maybe its all the coffee... who really knows.
So hold on for a couple of weeks and I'll be pretty much back. Of course I'll have a four month wait to get results, and that might make me a little tense from time to time.
But then I'll remember those five minutes when the world stopped just for me.
I think its more about the five minutes we get in life than it is about what happens after....
Don't misunderstand, I still want what comes after.... but right now,
... clap clap .....
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Ticket To Ride
July 2, 2008 - Wednesday
Bet you thought this blog wasn't about the damn bar exam huh ? Wrong...
I just got my admission ticket today. It makes the bar exam tangible - something I can touch, fold, spindle, and/or mutilate.
It came with a list of shit you can (and by default cannot) bring into the exam room.
Back supports ? OK, that makes some sense because its an 18 hour exam.
Two pillows without cases ? What, do we get nap time ?
Foot stool - because they wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable while you take the hardest bar exam in the country now would they?
TENS units ? WTF ? I thought that was some freaky sex shit anyway....
"Plastic material normally associated with the sport of swimming."
Wait a fucking minute. Swimming ? Plastic material ?
So if its shaped like a dildo is it still ok ? (Lionclaws reference - don't worry if you don't see the intrinsic humor). What about diving sticks and goggles? Are you telling me I am going to be sitting next to Scube Steve while I take the exam?
This one gets me - feminine hygiene items and wallets. First, the lack of a comma in law makes all the difference.
I think I'll bring some tampons in just to fuck with them. If nothing else I can stick them in my ears to block the sounds of all the swimming out....
Bet you thought this blog wasn't about the damn bar exam huh ? Wrong...
I just got my admission ticket today. It makes the bar exam tangible - something I can touch, fold, spindle, and/or mutilate.
It came with a list of shit you can (and by default cannot) bring into the exam room.
Back supports ? OK, that makes some sense because its an 18 hour exam.
Two pillows without cases ? What, do we get nap time ?
Foot stool - because they wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable while you take the hardest bar exam in the country now would they?
TENS units ? WTF ? I thought that was some freaky sex shit anyway....
"Plastic material normally associated with the sport of swimming."
Wait a fucking minute. Swimming ? Plastic material ?
So if its shaped like a dildo is it still ok ? (Lionclaws reference - don't worry if you don't see the intrinsic humor). What about diving sticks and goggles? Are you telling me I am going to be sitting next to Scube Steve while I take the exam?
This one gets me - feminine hygiene items and wallets. First, the lack of a comma in law makes all the difference.
I think I'll bring some tampons in just to fuck with them. If nothing else I can stick them in my ears to block the sounds of all the swimming out....
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Christina Aguilara Earns Much Cash Dancing Erotically
June 25, 2008 - Wednesday
As true as the statement is likely to be, its service to me is memory recall. Its called a "mnemonic" if you don't know.
This gem helps me to recall the issues related to the remedy of specific performance as applied to contract claims - triggering Contract validity; Adequacy of the legal remedy; Enforceability; Mutuality of the remedy; Conditions; Defenses; and Equitable conversion.
I know what you are thinking - what the FUCK ??
Yep. Exactly. Focus on the bar exam at all times; Use every moment of my time and energy to prepare for the bar exam; Concentrate on the task at hand to the exclusion of all others; and Know my weaknesses so I can remedy them.
I have previously mentioned the mountain of discrete and abscure rules of law and analytical approaches one must master in order to pass the California Bar. And lets be that specific - the California Bar is unlike any other bar exam. 18 hours in a convention center with thousands of other candidiates - more than 50% of which will fail. Almost 20 distinct topics of law. Yeah, it sucks.
In order to memorize the thousands of rules of law , exceptions to the rules, and exceptions to exceptions to the rules of law, you have to dump anything and everything in your head that is not related to the bar exam.
That means, friends names and their phone numbers, birthdays and other holidays, your passwords and ATM PIN, why we use deoderant, all forgotten.
I'm wandering about mumbling things like "Crazy Silly Double Dealing Dirty Dog Leave Right Now Never Return Ever" or " Thomas A. Edison Is Pouring Himself The Drink" with a glazed look in my eyes. So far no one has called the cops on me.
So if it seems like I have forgotten anyone - well, I have. If I have really offended you, send me an email with your full name, phone number and a recent picture.... I'll try to make it up to you after the bar.
As true as the statement is likely to be, its service to me is memory recall. Its called a "mnemonic" if you don't know.
This gem helps me to recall the issues related to the remedy of specific performance as applied to contract claims - triggering Contract validity; Adequacy of the legal remedy; Enforceability; Mutuality of the remedy; Conditions; Defenses; and Equitable conversion.
I know what you are thinking - what the FUCK ??
Yep. Exactly. Focus on the bar exam at all times; Use every moment of my time and energy to prepare for the bar exam; Concentrate on the task at hand to the exclusion of all others; and Know my weaknesses so I can remedy them.
I have previously mentioned the mountain of discrete and abscure rules of law and analytical approaches one must master in order to pass the California Bar. And lets be that specific - the California Bar is unlike any other bar exam. 18 hours in a convention center with thousands of other candidiates - more than 50% of which will fail. Almost 20 distinct topics of law. Yeah, it sucks.
In order to memorize the thousands of rules of law , exceptions to the rules, and exceptions to exceptions to the rules of law, you have to dump anything and everything in your head that is not related to the bar exam.
That means, friends names and their phone numbers, birthdays and other holidays, your passwords and ATM PIN, why we use deoderant, all forgotten.
I'm wandering about mumbling things like "Crazy Silly Double Dealing Dirty Dog Leave Right Now Never Return Ever" or " Thomas A. Edison Is Pouring Himself The Drink" with a glazed look in my eyes. So far no one has called the cops on me.
So if it seems like I have forgotten anyone - well, I have. If I have really offended you, send me an email with your full name, phone number and a recent picture.... I'll try to make it up to you after the bar.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Res Ipsa Hangover
March 19, 2008 - Wednesday
My bar review course has started, beginning a journey that will lead me to arguably the most difficult bar exam in the country; the California Bar Exam. The California Bar Exam is a three-day examination that covers 17 subject areas and has three components – the essay, the multistate (multiple choice questions) and the performance test. The pass rate for the exam hovers in the vicinity of 50%, often the lowest pass rate in the country.
With the onset of my bar review, I want to ask that you observe a few guidelines and boundaries for interacting with me.
First and most important, please do not ask me how bar review is going. You can ask how I am doing, but please leave bar review out of the conversation. You really don’t want to know anyway and I sure don’t want to share.
Similarly, please don’t tell me "you will do fine on the bar exam," or, "you are smart you will pass the bar exam for sure," or any similar ’supportive comments.’ Smart people fail the bar exam every year. You don’t know what the exam tests, how it tests it, and what it feels like to be in that room. I am taking the bar review course so that I can do everything possible to prepare for the exam. Your well wishes are not going to help me pass the bar exam and frankly, it pisses us off bar candidates when people say such things. Please don’t. Tell me you like my new shirt instead, even if its old.
As you are beginning to notice, I am likely to become more of an "asshole" than you might ordinarily think of me. Yes, you are right; I am more of an asshole. If you had to write more than 140 essays, 20 performance exams and more than 3000 multistate questions in preparation to pass the bar exam you would be an asshole as well.
I don’t want to be an asshole – it’s just how it is. But I promise that if you say to me, "hey, you are being a turd to me" I will do my best to stop for a few minutes. As long as you are not asking me how bar review is going. Then you deserve it.
On a more positive note, there appears to be a manic cycle to the bar review disease so I am just as likely to be happy and positive as I am to be a jerk. Embrace the light and remember who I am capable of being during the periods of darkness.
Give me your support by bringing me coffee with cream in it. That’s all I need.
Finally, after I take the bar exam, do not ask me how I did, how I think I did, when the results will be out, etc. No one knows how they did until the results come out and I’ll be beating myself up plenty about the exam without your assistance. No one is allowed to discuss the bar with me until I bring it up after the pass results are released – several months after the exam.
I will tell you how I did in my own time and manner.
Jimmy Buffet sings "don’t try to describe a Kiss concert if you’ve never seen one." Chances are you have never taken the California Bar Exam. That makes you wholly unqualified to talk to me about it in any form. If you have taken it, you already know why I am sending this letter to you.
I’ll see you on the other side…..
My bar review course has started, beginning a journey that will lead me to arguably the most difficult bar exam in the country; the California Bar Exam. The California Bar Exam is a three-day examination that covers 17 subject areas and has three components – the essay, the multistate (multiple choice questions) and the performance test. The pass rate for the exam hovers in the vicinity of 50%, often the lowest pass rate in the country.
With the onset of my bar review, I want to ask that you observe a few guidelines and boundaries for interacting with me.
First and most important, please do not ask me how bar review is going. You can ask how I am doing, but please leave bar review out of the conversation. You really don’t want to know anyway and I sure don’t want to share.
Similarly, please don’t tell me "you will do fine on the bar exam," or, "you are smart you will pass the bar exam for sure," or any similar ’supportive comments.’ Smart people fail the bar exam every year. You don’t know what the exam tests, how it tests it, and what it feels like to be in that room. I am taking the bar review course so that I can do everything possible to prepare for the exam. Your well wishes are not going to help me pass the bar exam and frankly, it pisses us off bar candidates when people say such things. Please don’t. Tell me you like my new shirt instead, even if its old.
As you are beginning to notice, I am likely to become more of an "asshole" than you might ordinarily think of me. Yes, you are right; I am more of an asshole. If you had to write more than 140 essays, 20 performance exams and more than 3000 multistate questions in preparation to pass the bar exam you would be an asshole as well.
I don’t want to be an asshole – it’s just how it is. But I promise that if you say to me, "hey, you are being a turd to me" I will do my best to stop for a few minutes. As long as you are not asking me how bar review is going. Then you deserve it.
On a more positive note, there appears to be a manic cycle to the bar review disease so I am just as likely to be happy and positive as I am to be a jerk. Embrace the light and remember who I am capable of being during the periods of darkness.
Give me your support by bringing me coffee with cream in it. That’s all I need.
Finally, after I take the bar exam, do not ask me how I did, how I think I did, when the results will be out, etc. No one knows how they did until the results come out and I’ll be beating myself up plenty about the exam without your assistance. No one is allowed to discuss the bar with me until I bring it up after the pass results are released – several months after the exam.
I will tell you how I did in my own time and manner.
Jimmy Buffet sings "don’t try to describe a Kiss concert if you’ve never seen one." Chances are you have never taken the California Bar Exam. That makes you wholly unqualified to talk to me about it in any form. If you have taken it, you already know why I am sending this letter to you.
I’ll see you on the other side…..
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